3 Tips To De-Complexify Your Life.

Okay, 'Complexify' is not a real word.  But it should be. Because we all complexify our careers, our business, and our lives with excess baggage.

Most of my time in corporate and coaching is spent wading through this morass of baggage to get to that shiny nugget of an idea.

For years, I was the one in the meeting trying to understand a needlessly complex presentation or product. All because the presenter was trying to impress their audience by making the communication more complex. They used lots of big words. Volumes of charts. Slide upon slide of bullets.

So here are my commandments:

1. Complex communication is lazy. Usually, if people complexify their presentation, it's because they haven't thought the entire presentation through. They haven't put themselves in the audience's seat to view the presentation. In fact they add slides, graphs, bullets, and garbage to their communication because they are afraid of missing anything — so they just add everything. It's like going on a trip — you're afraid of not having the right clothes — so you bring them all.

Easy Fix: Edit, edit, edit. You need to revise constantly with an eye to shortening your communication - make it more concise - keep it clean and simple.

2. Complex communication doesn't make you look smarter. So many executives and business owners try to be clever with their communication. They feel their college and grad school education is best portrayed with a complex and mellifluous vocabulary. The more the better. They will happily drop a report or presentation with 75 slides to give the effect they are a hard worker — just like in school when they dropped a 20 page paper on the teacher's desk. I'm not advocating 'dumbing it down' — just simplifying it a bit. By the way, the teacher hated you for it.

Easy Fix: Keep your self esteem in check — people will appreciate direct, simple language and direction over complex and fuzzy information. Today, most people recognize and admire people who keep things simple and straightforward. Remember, the Gettysburg Address (263 words in length) was delivered in two minutes. That's your goal.

3. Complex communication works against you. You might not know it, but many people probably walk out of your presentations with more questions they came in with. Are many of your email directions followed up with multiple questions? Do people on your team go in the wrong direction frequently with their duties? It might be time for you to review HOW you speak to them — they might not totally understand your intentions.

Easy Fix: At the end of a presentation or meeting with staff, ask: "Any questions? Is there anything you want me to go over again? Is everyone clear?" Be earnest and push them for questions — and don't give them a mental demerit if they do ask a question. That's your job — to clearly inform, direct and motivate your troops.

POST YOUR QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS BELOW

P.S. Do you need to de-complexify your life? Let’s talk. I’ve worked with people from all over the world who wanted to take aggressive steps in their life — contact me to schedule a complimentary session.

My Gift To You.

Today is my birthday. Every year, I try to think of something to give away to all of my clients, colleagues, and friends. This year, I would like to offer up my Top 3 motivational videos I watch regularly to help add a little bit of energy and enthusiasm to my life.

We Stopped Dreaming - Neil deGrasse Tyson.

What will your last 10 years look like?

Rise & Shine! The Ultimate Motivational Clip.

Energize Your Life In One Simple Step.

No, I don't want you to chug a six-pack of Five Hour Energy drinks. When we hang around people who energize us, we feel like Superman (or Supergirl). We get more done, we are more assertive, confident . . . we are performing optimally. And it shows to our boss, clients, peers, and staff.

When we hang around people who enervate us, it feels as if our life-force is sucked right out of our soul. We don’t feel like working, we hate our jobs, we despise our clients, and we count the hours until it’s time to go home.

The solution is simple — spend a bit more time around/conversing with energetic people and spend a bit less time around/conversing with enervating people. I said ‘a bit less’ because our families usually contribute to the enervating list. “To play better tennis, you MUST play with better tennis players.”

ACTION STEP: I have all my clients take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line splitting it into two vertical sections. At the top, put ENERGIZE on one side and ENERVATE on the other.

List of all the people who energize you — they are: Assertive, Confident, Happy, Smiling, Pleasant, Engaged, Upwardly Mobile, Think Work Is Fun/Challenge, Positive, Helpful.

Then I want you to list of all the people who enervate you — they are: Pessimistic, Gossipy, Demeaning, Finds The Worst In People & Things, Complains, Blames, Attacks, Very Critical, Not Helpful.

YOUR GOAL: Spend a lot more time with the energizers and a lot less time with the enervators. You will walk away with a positive, enthusiastic, and energized mind & body ready to take on anything life can throw at you.

Set up a meeting with an ENERGIZER today!

P.S. If you liked this simple step, I have 9 more tips to help you be more successful at work — CLICK HERE

The Perfect Message On Time Management (from a Google Manager).

I was wondering around the web the other day and ran into this article/email on Medium (one of my favorite sites). I ran into a profound message from a Google manager who wrote a simple email to his staff on Time Management. (By Jeremiah Dillon, Head of Product Marketing, Google Apps for Work)

It was so well received, he was asked to broadcast it to a larger audience, and history was made.

Here it is in it's entirety (even with some inside Google jokes). Enjoy!

---

To: Friend

Subject: If you don’t have time to read this…read it twice.

Stop. Breathe. Now, think about how you’re managing your time. Speaking for myself, I have some room for improvement.

It’s been said there are two paradigms to scheduling — the manager and the maker.

The manager’s day is cut into 30 minute intervals, and they change what they’re are doing every half hour. Sorta like Tetris — shifting blocks around and filling spaces.

The maker’s day is different. They need to make, to create, to build. But, before that, they need to think. The most effective way for them to use time is in half-day or full-day blocks. Even a single 30 minute meeting in the middle of “Make Time” can be disruptive.

We all need to be makers.

Ok. Great idea. I’ll do that… you know… later… I’m late for a meeting.

No. It doesn’t work that way. The only way to make this successful is to be purposeful. Establish an implementation intention. You need to define precisely when and where you’ll reserve Make Time for your projects. Let me tell you a story about a study on this effect:

• The control group was asked to exercise once in the next week. 29% of them exercised.
• Experiment group 1 was given the same ask, along with detailed information about why exercise is important to health (i.e. “you’ll die if you don’t”.) 39% of them exercised.
• Experiment group 2 was asked to commit to exercising at a specific place, on a specific day at a specific time of their choosing. 91% of them exercised.

Commit to protecting Make Time on your calendar including the time and place where you’ll be making, and ideally detail on what you’ll be making. That way, you know, it’ll actually happen.

So, I can just do this like… last thing on Friday, right… after all of my meetings are over?

Actually, no. Many of our meetings could be shorter or include fewer people, and some don’t need to happen at all. Take back those hours for your Make Time instead. But, don’t put it off till the end of the day on Friday — the time you choose really matters. Your energy levels run the course of a wave throughout the week, so try to plan accordingly:

Aim to do the following:

• Monday: Energy ramps out of the weekend — schedule low demand tasks like setting goals, organizing and planning.
• Tuesday, Wednesday: Peak of energy — tackle the most difficult problems, write, brainstorm, schedule your Make Time.
• Thursday: Energy begins to ebb — schedule meetings, especially when consensus is needed.
• Friday: Lowest energy level — do open-ended work, long-term planning and relationship building.

Always bias your Make Time towards the morning, before you hit a cycle of afternoon decision fatigue. Hold the late afternoon for more mechanical tasks.

My new challenge to you: create and protect your Make Time and before you “steal someone’s chair,” consider whether it’ll be disruptive to their Make Time.

P.S. I have Make Time on my calendar. Please don’t schedule over it, and I promise to do my best not to schedule over yours.

I've Got Bad News & Good News.

Received a call from a good friend this morning — he was unceremoniously laid off Monday after 16+ successful years at the same organization. I felt for him — starting 2016 off with a fizzle and not a bang. But the coach in me kicked in — and I said, "This is not bad news, it's a new beginning for you! In fact, this is THE BEST time of the year to get laid off!"

January through May is the rocket rollercoaster of employment. Especially January! This is the time when companies and departments unleash their budgets, plan for new initiatives, and are actively looking for great people in the marketplace.

So if you're in transition, 'stuck' in your current position, or even if you're thinking of going back into the workforce, I have some 'GOOD' news for you.

I've developed an eBook that will help you not only hit the ground running — but it will accelerate your job search exponentially.

Here's the best part — it's free! CLICK HERE to get the full PDF eBook.

Enjoy! (Let me know how you like it!)

If You Do These 5 Things, 2016 Will Be Unbelievable.

You want a great 2016? I'm here to make it happen.If you own a business, work for an organization, or are in transition, these five things will make 2016 shine:

#1 — Take small steps in 2016.

Everyone wants to make big changes in their life — it's built into our genes and personality. We all want to evolve into something better. More money, beautiful body, better health, more clients, or a big promotion. Unfortunately, most of the time, it doesn't happen because we want it to happen NOW.

Instead of making that huge long jump towards our goals, why not break it down into smaller tasks, activities, or steps? Going for that big promotion? What can you do right now — today — to help your boss, your team, or your department grow? What new thing do you need to do? What old thing do you need to stop? Small steps quickly build into major gains and people will notice quickly. Read this.

#2 — Your schedule is your life in 2016.

You can never add more time to your life — we only have 24 hours each day. So instead of trying to 'trick' more time into your life, try to stick to a solid schedule and track the more important events that do make a difference in our career and business.

Try to cut 10% of your lower-level activities every day and stop wasting time with surfing, chatting, useless meetings and less industrious activities. If you cut just 10%, you will garner almost an hour back into each workday. Just think if you had an extra hour to do some really cool stuff for your boss or clients! Read this.

#3 — Get out and meet lots of people in 2016.

Stop cocooning yourself at your desk behind your monitor. Make a firm commitment to get out (at least) once a week to connect with people outside of your current social circle.

Why? The more people you meet = the more friends you make = the more open you are to opportunities = the more success you will see. If you do this once a week, you will add 52 new friends to your contact list. I want you to make a list of FIVE people who you need to meet in the next five weeks. Get out there! Read this.

#4 — Work on yourself in 2016.

Mentally and physically. You can always get better — more knowledgable, more in-tune with the times, more healthy and active, more connected to what's really happening in 2016. I'm a boomer/millennial and it drives me nuts to see people my age who don't know how to work their technology, don't listen to important podcasts, or keep up on what's happening outside of their workplace.

Make a firm commitment to grow your brain and body. Join a gym, hire a personal trainer, go back to school, listen to podcasts, read a book, try a series of courses on the web, or just start stretching (your body and mind). I want you out for a 10 minute walk at 3 PM every day. And Watch this. (one of my favorite videos - by Casey Neistat - it gets me going!).

#5 — Be grateful for what you have in 2016.

When we are in building mode during the first few weeks of the new year — we tend to forget how lucky we all are. That we have a strong roof over our heads, we are never hungry, we have our health, we have people who love us — this list can go on and on.

Make a point each day to get up and write down three things you are grateful for each day. It could even be a beautiful sunrise, a bird on a tree, or getting to work in the snow without mishap. The more grateful you are, the more you will appreciate your life, your family, and friends. And they will appreciate you. Read this and this.

ALSO - Check out The Five Minute Journal — I have one and it has made an incredible impact on my life. 

#6 — EXTRA CREDIT: Start hugging TODAY.

Get out there and hug people! If you see someone you haven't seen in a long while — give them a great big bear hug! I know I might be venturing into the edges of 'sexual harassment' at work territory, but on a personal note — start hugging everyone. Not only will you love it — they will appreciate it! Read this.

If you liked what you read...

Let’s talk. I’ve worked with thousands of executives and business owners like you — call or email me to schedule a complimentary session. What do you have to lose?

How Do Busy Leaders Make More Time?

One of my clients sent me their daily schedule. I was so blown away by it's simplicity and it's ability to fit many professional and personal things in — I just had to publish it for my audience. In their own words: "I want to put myself on a schedule.  I need a schedule where I meditate 2x per day, exercise, have ample time for self-education and time to relax."

• 5:00 AM - Get Up.
• 5:00 to 6:00 AM — Meditate for 20 minutes, Walk for 30 minutes, Lift weights for 10 minutes.
• 6:00 to 6:30 AM — Eat Breakfast, Coffee.
• 6:30 to 7:30 AM — Self-Education.
• 7:30 to 8:30 AM — Get Ready for work.
• 8:30 to 9:00 AM — Drive to work, Listen to Audiobooks/Podcasts.
• 9:00 to 5:00 PM — Work.
• 5:00 to 5:30 PM — Drive home, Listen to Audiobooks/Podcasts.
• 5:30 to 6:00 PM — Meditate.
• 6:00 to 7:00 PM — Cook & Eat Dinner.
• 7:00 to 8:30 PM — Self-Education.
• 8:30 to 9:00 PM — Ready for Bed.
• 9:00 to 10:00 PM — Relax, Read, Watch TV.
• 10:00 PM — Go To Bed.

My client is a successful senior executive at a prestigious company who has accomplished a lot and has been gainfully employed and promoted regularly. They're not a slacker.

As you can see, they get it all done in a relaxed schedule, allocating adequate time for all of their activities. Of course there might be subtle deviations due to travel, emergencies, and unplanned activities, but for the most part, they stick to this plan.

So for all the people out there who say they "don't have the time" — Yes, You DO. 

For Me, TV Is Dying.

This post isn't about business per se, but it does have long term ramifications for the marketplace in general, so bear with me. Last night, I realized I REALLY HATE commercials. Despise - Abhor - Loathe - Detest . . . You get my drift. I know, we all hate commercials — but they have become irrelevant to my viewing habits. They're just a nuisance.

My wife and I were watching 'Fear The Walking Dead' on AMC. We made the decision to record it on our DVR and then watch it with FF capability at 10 PM. At 10 PM, we started the recording and it seemed like there were 8-10 commercials during each break during the show (the show runs 43 minutes).

We really wanted to measure the span of the episode vs. the accumulated time of the commercials — we were almost sure they were the same. Here's the interesting part — we even hated commercials that we had to FF through. Why?

We've moved on. We have Netflix and Amazon on our TV (Roku), we watch them also on our iPads and MacBooks. Guess what? No commercials. In fact, my wife and I have been binge-watching The Good Wife (never saw it before) and are very comfortable flying through episodes with no breaks, commercials, or advertising. All for a small Amazon Prime payment each month.

We also use our DVR for almost all of our TV viewing habits. We record the shows and FLY through the commercials. So we don't even see them anymore — just fast moving pictures flashing on our screen — an annoyance for 5-10 seconds.

Here's the kicker — we're in our early 50's. I know that all generations after us, GenX, GenY, Millenials, etc., have even more fleeting TV viewing habits. In fact, most kids I know don't even watch TV anymore — they get all their entertainment from their iPhones, iPads, PC's, Twitch, YouTube and gaming consoles. Families rarely gather in front of the TV to watch shows together.

There's going to be a tipping point soon where advertisers quickly realize no one is watching their commercials. The rating systems are antiquated and really don't produce true viewer habits (read this and this and this). The viewing public is slowing moving away from conventional TV viewing and quickly abandoning any type of commercial exposure.

What will happen to TV and shows like The Good Wife, Arrow, and Fear The Walking Dead? I don't know — each episode probably runs the network millions of dollars to produce and the money needs to come from somewhere. Maybe the Netflix/Amazon model will take over (see what happened to Longmire). I love watching House of Cards and Daredevil — I wouldn't even mind paying more for Netflix/Amazon Prime if they substantially increased the amount of shows they release.

In the end, commercials are irrelevant to me. If things keep going the way they are, the only generation who will care about commercials are the people who care about the "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercials. Again, I understand commercials 'pay' for my show — but I really DON'T CARE.

If you're a business who advertises on TV, and you haven't started already, you better start anticipating major changes soon. This will greatly affect all aspects of TV as we know it — so if you're a network, you probably see the writing on the wall.

"Come gather 'round people Wherever you roam And admit that the waters Around you have grown And accept it that soon You'll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you Is worth savin' Then you better start swimmin' Or you'll sink like a stone For the times they are a-changin'"

The Times They Are A-Changin'  — Bob Dylan

Why We Work — A Labor Day Message.

What is Labor Day? On Wikipedia, it's a day to honor the contributions we've made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. So let's do that. Every Labor Day, I take time out to review where I am in my career and all the reasons why I work. Why do I do this?

• It gives me perspective. I look back at where I've been and what I've done professionally — what I've accomplished and what failures I've had.
• It makes me appreciate all that I have in my life. All the great people I know and work with — all of my wonderful clients, past and present.
• It shows me the way forward. Based on where I've been and where I am now, I get a better view of where I have to go.

So many people who work tend to dread going to work. In fact, we all do at one time or another in our lives. A lot of pressure, a big project that's behind schedule, a problem child you're managing on your team. It sucks to get up so early, get stuck in traffic traveling to work, too many interruptions when you get there, watching the sun go down at your office, and reversing the process on your way home.

During this Labor Day, please remember a few things about your career:

• You have a job. There are a lot of people out there who don't have one. They're nervous and scared — it's September and the clock's ticking.
• You have a paycheck. You get to pay your bills and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
• You GET to work. So many people complain about how "They HAVE to go to work."

You GET to practice your craft. You GET to interact with qualified peers who help you run the ball over the goal line. You GET to grow in your job, to be better, smarter, and more agile.

This Labor Day, I want you to sit back, spend a few moments, and remember how lucky we all are to have a job.

"Success is not a destination, but the road that you're on. Being successful means that you're working hard and walking your walk every day. You can only live your dream by working hard towards it. That's living your dream." — Marlon Wayans

P.S. If you know someone who is currently unemployed, I want you to call them up and ask how you can help them. Not only will they greatly appreciate it — it will bolster your gratitude and appreciation for your current job. Trust me, it works.

"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend." — Doug Larson

Developing The CEO Within You.

You’re moving on up.

Making your way up the ladder, dodging bullets, using every last bit of your intellect and motivation to deftly ingratiate yourself with key decision-makers.

It’s a high-wire balancing act many executives go through to grab the golden ring. What are some of the techniques used? Based upon many hours of advisory with C-Level clients, here are the two major tenets that bubble to the top:

IQ – Intelligence Quotient (or Tactical Intelligence)

You have to have the chops, the intellect, the experience, and knowledge to make it through the first hurdle. It’s that simple. Many executives whine and complain when they hit a very real glass ceiling, but in the end, it’s their fault. They haven’t done the requisite homework and they’re trying to bribe the teacher with an apple. Bottom line, you have to put in the hours, the sweat and tears to adequately build a firm foundation of tools to leverage in the myriad of situations that arise. Some are:

• Financial – This is all-important – I can’t tell you how many executives I would watch sit in meeting and clearly see they had no idea what was in front of them on our financial projections. Know this area cold.
• Operational – Know how the organization works inside and out. Sit at home and map out your operational chain from start to finish. Where are the dependencies? What past decisions are holding the company behind? What areas might take the company to the next level? If you are unsure or unclear about one or more of these connections, talk to your people and LEARN.
• Marketplace – What’s happening in the outside world? Who are the key players? What are the market forces at work – are they playing fair or are they slowly (and possibly illegally) undermining your position. Think holistically. Get out there and mix with your peers, understand the levers that make the world go round. What is the competition doing and how do you master the game of chess with them every day?

EQ – Emotional Quotient (or Emotional Intelligence)

This is where most C-Level executives fail. What got them to this position (IQ) is now failing them. For some positions (CFO, CIO), all their hard work to make it to the table is now useless when they need to use skills other than IQ:

• Communication – Communicate clearly and concisely. But communication is a two-way street, you need to listen too.  Listening is an art – shutting your mouth (and mind) to focus your full attention to those who are giving you critical information.
• Motivation – Every word, every order, every instruction must be nicely wrapped to motivate your people. Of course, sometimes you have to bark, but if you find yourself barking most of the time, step back and see how to manipulate your direct report’s levers so they want to make things happen and not undermine you. How do you grow your direct reports, your staff, and your organization through motivation?
• Empathy – The hardest one of all – in addition to communication (which is overt), understand those signals to allow you to ‘listen in’ and help your people with their problems and obstacles. Ferret out those signals and dive into what is holding them back and help them. You also have to be patient to allow the natural flow of the company to run it’s course. Too many executives forget there are forces you cannot control.
• Sales – You have to have the ability to mix all three of these areas together and move people into action inside your organization and outside too (prospects into clients, retention and extension of current clients).

Here’s a great book to read on this topic.

What other elements do you feel play a key role in defining you as CEO material?

It's 2015! Why Are These Annoyances Still Around?

As you know, I am an avid follower of Reddit and I found this wonderful question posed on AskReddit — here are some of the better responses. Enjoy! Bathroom doors with the handle on the inside. I just washed my hands and now have to grab the same handle after that person didn't????

Why are they still delivering phonebooks to my house?

I always thought we would have separate highways for trucks by now. We have them in some places, but I feel like truckers would have a more enjoyable ride if they weren't dealing with jerks looping in and out of traffic or passing them on the right.

How it takes several days to transfer money between banks. Why does it take FIVE days to transfer money from one bank to another? It's 2015 — how can I deposit a check from my phone, but I can't send money from bank A to bank B instantly?

Commercials that are WAY louder than the show or movie that you're watching. Why can't they be the same volume???

Self check-outs telling me to place the item in the bag. THE ITEM IS ALREADY IN THE BAG.

Anything with batteries, like are we seriously still using batteries in 2015?

Elevators that don't allow you to hit the button again to cancel the call to that particular floor. I love this idea.

Video games that have any load time. I gave it a pass when it was the 90's and new CD technology just came into play.

Glasses. Lasik should cost $199 (for both eyes) and last forever. It's ridiculous that I still wander around on this planet with plastic hanging off my ears. (Contact lens people - don't go there - that's as stupid as glasses).

Businesses that don't take credit cards. I've seen girl scouts take credit cards. That food truck is your livelyhood and you can't invest 5 minutes to set up an account with Square?

The washing, drying, folding basics. Sure machines and soap have improved over the years, but I'm sick of doing laundry (especially for 4 people). I guess I can throw in doing the dishes too. Is there any way my clothes could be put into drawers?

Traffic! People have been driving for 100 years! Why haven't we figured this out yet! Also, riding in the breakdown lane, weaving, and tailgating WILL NOT get you there any faster.

I do find myself bemused at times that the umbrella is the best design we have come up with so far.

Brushing teeth. We've been doing that for hundreds of years — it's time for a pill or sealant to stop all dental horrors. Also — we're still DRILLING??? Pain management??? Pulling teeth with PLIERS???

Pennies. Why haven't these gone away? Nickels aren't far behind. (I've noticed many stores will negate the 1-3 cents that you owe them when giving change).

Any store or restaurant that doesn't have their hours, menu, and prices online. It's 2015 and you have a website — I don't want to drive all the way over there to find out you closed 20 minutes ago. And if we do visit your website, I don't want to use Flash or PDF to read your 'beautiful' menu. Show me what you serve and how much it costs.

I still don't get get how every shower caddy I've had manages to get rusted into oblivion.

Commuting. I have better hardware, and more productivity at home. Why are you making me put my pants on?

DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS BELOW.

How To Become A Billionaire.

A great Quora answer from Justine Musk (Elon Musk's ex-wife) on what it takes to become a billionaire: "Shift your focus away from what you want and get deeply, intensely curious about what the world wants and needs. Ask yourself what it is that you have the potential to bring to the world that is so unique and compelling and helpful that no computer could replace it, no one could outsource it, no one could steal your product and make it better and then club you into oblivion (not literally). Then develop that potential."

"The world doesn't throw a billion dollars at a person because the person wants it or works so hard they feel they deserve it. (The world does not care what you want or deserve.)"

She is so spot on — too many people try to dream their way into success and forget if people will really want or need it. Once in awhile, someone will develop a new idea which attracts buyers, but most of the time (95%), no one really cares.

Read the entire Quora answer here.

The venn diagram above is one I present to clients to help them navigate their businesses and careers. 'The World Needs It' and 'You Are Paid For It' are very important parts of this model. Enjoy!

P.S. I've tried to shy away from any reader comments that might focus more on her divorce settlement and pay attention to her advice. Stick to the facts.

How to Live Your Dream When You're Scared to Death.

Did something scare you today? This week? This year? What really scares you? An angry boss? A lost client? A problem without a solution? Zombies?

And more importantly, what does your fear make you do? Do you shut down? Make quick decisions without thinking?

When you're scared, you make emotional decisions. Sometimes they are rational and sometimes they are irrational. Sometimes these decisions turn into irrational actions.

For example, did you ever blow up over something that turned out to be quite inconsequential? I tend to 'lose it' on myself when I accidentally drop something when cooking in the kitchen. In retrospect, it was an accident, I didn't plan for it, and I mistakenly dropped a dish of food. But I still 'lost it' on myself. I wasn't scared, but I still acted irrationally.

It happens to the best of us. I help my clients look at their lives as a huge long line or spectrum with being 'totally in-control' at one end and 'totally out-of-control' at the other end. Most of the time, when we're scared, we tend to feel that we have moved from the safe, in-control extreme to the perilous out-of-control extreme.

But that's not true. We've just moved a little bit on our control line. Here's a little secret: We're never really totally in-control either. Someone or some thing, somewhere has a bit of control over us or has the ability to careen us out-of-control.  For example, our health, our kids, our spouse/partner, work, finances, etc. all can quickly have an immediate impact on our control system.

The faster you realize you are never in complete control AND that you are never in complete chaos, the faster you will move from being scared to a more meditative sense of reality. Realize that we spend our lives moving along this 'control' line without fear — we're just trying to get things done, we hit a road-block, and we solve that problem and move on.

Here are some rules I adhere to:

1. You are not at the far (deep) end of the out-of-control line. You've moved a bit out of control, don't be scared, and realize a small action can bring you back in control quickly. Don't stay in one place and begin to emotionalize your reaction. Worrying about what might happen will never really help you — you need to think rationally about your options and take action.

2. Take one small step. One micro-task which will allow you to start moving in the right direction and begin to feel better about your situation. Again, if you do nothing, you'll go nowhere. Even if you move backwards, at least you're moving — you can always course correct.

3. "Action expresses priorities." - Gandhi. Once you take action — any action — you will begin to stop worrying/being scared and start to make further decisions to help you get back into a control situation. Movement or action begins to eliminate most worry and fear. Get out of that haunted house ASAP!

Let me know how this works — the last thing I want you doing is spending a beautiful spring, scared, full of fear and stranded in worry. Life is SO much better than that.

Pump Up Your Social Skills — How To Approach New People.

A great post from Reddit — when I read something I like, I try to pass it on. The author focuses on talking to new people, but you can take his technique and apply it to almost any activity you find difficult to master. "So lately I've been having crises about not being able to socialize to the best of my ability."

About a month or two ago, I reached a breaking point — and now I've finally become desperate to want to do something about it. It's been really bothering me about how I'm not living life to the fullest, maximizing the amount of people I talk to, going on dates, etc. (for my anxiety is related to 'cold' approaching people). I've definitely improved socially over the last few years and can engage in conversations to a much greater extent (going to the gym and getting a job in retail loosened me up a bit); I would literally refuse to speak to anyone who wasn't my close friends and would be quite monosyllabic.

As much as I've improved, there's still much more progress to be made. After another mini crisis, I thought "screw it", and made a vow to speak to random people. Thought I'd start off small for now - I'd simply ask them for the time.

I got myself into a frame of mind where I'd literally force myself to ask the next stranger I see for the time, so I did. And it wasn't that bad. And then I did it with the next stranger, 30 seconds later. And again. After I did it I felt absolutely amazing, however small of a victory it may be, and it made me realise that even after doing something so trivial, we have some warped misconceptions of people and this makes us irrationally fear social encounters. Feel free to discredit what I'm about to say on the basis that I've approached a few people, but I don't think what I am saying is invalid.

I've created a list of "challenges" that I'm going to complete.

It's going to be really tough, but I've made a vow to (in this order):

• Ask 50 people for the time (in progress).
• Ask 30 people for directions.
• Go into 30 shops and speak to employees about random things related to the store and company etc.
• Smile at 20 women.
• Say something along the lines of "hey how's it going" or "good afternoon" to 30 people.
• Make conversation with 20 people.
• And then finally, talk to women and ask them for numbers and dates.

I've never realized how true the "social skills are like a muscle" analogy is.

It really felt like I'd been in the gym to lift weights, you get that confidence boost (i.e. the "high" you feel lifting weights), and this morning when I woke up, I realised how exhausting it would be to start again today and approach people again, much how like you need the drive to go to the gym.

It is really easy to tell yourself . . .

It is really easy to tell yourself "I don't need to approach people to get over my anxiety" or "I will eventually stop worrying about my fears in the future and will improve socially with age" and just not do it, when in reality, exposing yourself to the fear (gradually, of course, all-out exposure from my experience has made me worse) will SHOW your brain that there's nothing to be afraid of. Sure, it is true that people become better socially with age, but it doesn't solve the problem completely in some circumstances.

The stranger might be horrible to me.

Additionally, I don't think it's possible to use logic to get out of anxiety, or to convince yourself that there's nothing to be afraid of on a cognitive level, because your brain will still have the same response to a perceived threat unless you actually show it that there's nothing to fear by doing it. If you try to convince your way out of it, you're showing your brain a potential outcome instead of an actual outcome, the latter of which you will see by doing whatever frightens you.

A potential outcome relies on chance, e.g. "the stranger might be horrible to me", and this will lead your brain to go into panic mode again. You accept the potential outcome instead of being consumed by it, approach the person, and then the consequences turn into an actual outcome.

Lack of motivation is also a factor in facing your fears.

As I've said you might feel no need to talk to people (or do whatever is best for you socially) but it will help you out a lot. I don't want to sound like I'm some expert (I'm really not, take this post as you will) as I'm still early into the approaching game, but this is from what I've gathered after years of pre-improving my social skills (like getting over things that made me anxious previously, like ordering at a restaurant, group work in school and delivering presentations) and doing what I've just done now.

How badly do I want this?

To those who want to really get better from social anxiety or improve your social skills, ask yourself this: "how badly do I want this?" It's not a quick fix as I've realised and you will hurt like hell sometimes, but unfortunately you do have to make some effort if you want to improve. It's not something you like hearing, but it is the truth. As I've said it's very easy to delude yourself into thinking you don't need to approach people (or do whatever makes you scared) to improve, but you do.

One thing to remember is that you are all very capable of facing your fears, and that your anxiety to not do something is not as strong as you think it is. Hell, it's very hard and draining, but with an end goal in sight and a will to reach it, it is attainable.

No matter how much you may beat yourselves up.

Lastly, do not for a second think it makes you inferior for being socially anxious or feeling like you lack some social skills. You're awesome people, no matter how much you may beat yourselves up. I even fall into this trap and I have to snap myself out of it, whatever it takes.

I'm also convinced that a large portion of human beings consider themselves "socially awkward", for the lack of a better term, and crave social interactions.

People should approach one another all the time.

Being at University, people are mainly in their own social groups now and I've realised very few people approach one another while they're waiting outside for classes and very few people raise their hand to contribute in classes, out of fear I presume.

I simply refuse to believe that, in my circumstances at least, no one speaks to one another (including myself, I've only ever been approached once or twice at University for meeting friends/conversation, I've had to do most of the work to make friends) due to everyone hating one another; I genuinely believe that everyone (if not, most people) wants to initiate conversation, but are too afraid to do so. If only the world were simple (where this logic would be prevalent and would override anxiety completely), people would approach one another all the time, yet anxiety is so strong it stops us from being rational about it. And it sucks. A lot.

Keep doing whatever makes you awesome.

Feel free to join me on this endeavour, it's hard to say if I'll make it, but I'll give it my best shot. I'll leave you on one last note, which is basically a summary of what I've just said - ABANDON LOGIC AS YOUR MEANS OF FIGHTING THIS.

Use it loosely and to motivate, but don't make it your main weapon to fight anxiety or whatever as you will lose every time. You can read all you want about how humanity is on a small rock in a seemingly infinite cosmos where all of our problems will cease to exist upon death, about how that girl you want to talk to was born in the same way you were; through cell division, being cast into a meaningless world without choice, but that will not cure your anxiety forever. Even my advice won't cure you forever, I concede - but what WILL work, as I've started to realise, is giving anxiety the middle finger and motivating yourself (disciplining, rather) enough to improve socially.

Great rewards require great sacrifices, and I wish I'd seen this earlier. You are no exception.

From Reddit - Author: PM_ME_YOUR_DELTOIDS (yes, I know, too funny).

Don't Have A Job? It's YOUR Fault.

I'm not pulling any punches here. Why? Because I think most people who are looking for a job need a dose of reality instead of 'good thoughts' and 'quick tricks'.

Here are Rich Gee's 10 Commandments Of Looking For A Job:

1. It's going to be HARD.

You will push yourself farther than you've ever pushed yourself before — into areas that are uncomfortable — networking, connecting, selling, negotiation, schmoozing, etc. Get used to it.

WHY? Most job-seekers are afraid of the process. They want the limo to pull up to their house and whisk them off to their next position. Guess what? It's NEVER going to happen.

2. You must work 30-40 hours a week on your search.

It's a job to find a job. Any less is just fooling around. You have to put serious time into your search — if you don't you will just prolong your unemployment — turning it from a 3-6 month process to a 12-18 month ordeal. I have my clients do a simple math equation: Take your yearly salary and divide it by 12. That is how much you are costing your family for each month unemployed. Stop focusing on your severance package — go out and find a job!

WHY? Clients that dive into their search and spend a reasonable amount of time (30-40 hours a week), get a job. It's that simple.

3. Stop the whining.

Okay, you lost your job — get on with life. Stop navel-gazing and blaming yourself.

WHY? I encounter a number of clients who are wounded and use their loss as an excuse to bypass the difficult actions of a job search. If you are so damaged, it's time for you to seek help with a therapist. If not, get off your ass and move on. You're an adult and you have bills to pay and mouths to feed. Stop the pity party.

I hate to be blunt here — but you're an adult with responsibilities — get out there and make things happen!

4. Don't focus on your résumé every 5 seconds.

Get it done, keep it concise and powerful (and well-written). If you need help — spend the money and have it written for you. You can modify it for certain positions, but don't obsess about what other people say.

WHY? People get so attached to their résumé. They ask every friend and recruiter for advice and guess what? They tell them it stinks and that they have to totally modify it. Get it done and get it out. Stop looking for distractions.

5. Get out and meet people.

If you stay in all day and surf the web, that's not looking for work. It's vacation. To find that perfect position, you must be visible and expose yourself to A LOT of people.

WHY? It's a very simple equation: If you meet new people, you will make new opportunities, you will connect with hiring managers, you will be introduced to hidden positions, you will be offered a job. On the other hand, if you don't meet new people, less opportunities, less hiring manager interaction, less position options, and less job offers. It's that simple.

Hit the library. Make friends with the librarians — they can help you find information on organizations, industries, and people not found on the web. And it's fun — they start rooting for you to find that next position AND it gets you out of the house. One suggestion — try the smaller local libraries — they tend to focus on the serious researcher and not have a 'get em in/get em out' attitude to the masses.

6. Make yourself extremely marketable.

Hit the gym everyday. Eat well. Get an up-to-date haircut. Get new glasses. Dress in style and dress up every day. Act as if you are going out on a first date — first impressions are SO important.

WHY? Be Your Best — you are selling a product . . . YOU. You have to polish it until it shines and catches the light. Any less and you might be passed over for a single errant, inconsequential reason that you could easily fix. Take a few dollars and improve your wardrobe, your body, and your look. You want to hit them hard when they first see you.

7. Study your industry and market.

Don't sit around and surf. Immerse yourself where you're looking for a job. Learn what has happened, what is happening, and begin to predict what will happen. So many job-seekers look for positions but neglect to fully understand what's happening in their industry. When you have a job, you live in a bubble. Take the time and seriously dive into what is happening out in the world. It will come in handy during interviews.

WHY? People forget that this time is for you to apply and work for a BETTER company.

8. Pick companies you would LOVE to work for.

I get so much grief for this one. When looking for a job, so many people give in and make themselves like a company/position rather than targeting organizations they would kill to work for.

WHY? It's easier to find open positions than to LOVE a company, target key individuals, and build your own position.

9. Learn how to interview, ask questions, and negotiate.

Don't wing it. You need to practice and get out there and interview. The more you hone your image, your patter, your answers, your body language, your questions, and your negotiation skills, the faster you will land that primo position.

WHY? So many applicants feel they can rely on their strengths and forget when they're in tense situations, their weaknesses start to show. You need to be 'buttoned-up', secure, and ready for anything a key interviewer throws your way.

10. Be Positive, Smile, and Watch Your Body Language.

This is a big one. Get up every day and start out by rewarding yourself with a motivation.

HOW? Work out, listen to music, do yoga, read, meditate . . . anything. You have to begin each day with a positive mindset. Too many job seekers hit the snooze alarm or get indexed into multiple family responsibilities (not that it's a bad thing) in the morning. Make sure you have time for yourself. Get up early (I get up at 4-4:30 every morning) and make time for yourself — stop staying up late and watching reruns of The Mentalist. Go to bed early (I hit my pillow at 9:30 PM) and get in some real sleep time.

Smile! Stop frowning at everything — remind yourself frequently to smile with people, on the phone, and in unexpected situations. You'll find it brings up the good juices within and you actually feel more positive.

Take an proactive stance on your body language. Walk 20% faster (catch any Bourne Identity movie - watch how Matt Damon walks) - it livens up your system and tells everyone you mean business. Lean forward when you speak and use your hands — it engages the listener and shows them you are passionate about what you do.

11. Surprise! Extra Credit.

Focus on four areas. What are they?

1. Job Boards/Company Sites - This is the easiest area to attack and the most frustrating area to encounter. There might be jobs here, but most of the time, it's a major time-suck for higher level positions. But don't discount it — do it — but don't hold yourself back — access all four areas.

2. Recruiters - Reach out to them, but don't expect a lot to happen. They are focused on obtaining the best employed candidates, poaching from the competition, and keeping their retainers healthy and growing. There might be a perfect alignment of your need and their deliverable, but it rarely happens. I'm not down on recruiting, just don't put all your eggs in this basket. And don't get frustrated when they don't return your calls — it's the nature of the beast.

3. Connecting/Networking - As I said before, a good bet is to reach out to strategic friends, family, and colleagues who might connect you to the right people. You need to move up the food chain and play tennis with the big boys and girls. Don't make all your stops with unemployed networking groups — you're trying to sell a car when everyone else in the room are selling cars too. You need to mix with accomplished, employed, and upwardly mobile people who GET IT. You've hit a road bump in your career (we all have), stop holding yourself back and reach for the gold ring.

4. Targeting - You need to pick the best companies that you would LOVE to work for (remember this?). Act like a private investigator — research what's going on, who's making headlines, where they're going, and who you need to target. Then build a dossier about that person — where they went to school, what do they do, where they worked, are they on social media, etc. Then go after them and introduce yourself to them. Now the hard part begins.

I know this has been a rough post to read — but my goal isn't to sugar-coat my coaching, but to tell the truth and get you to take action ASAP. Let me know if you found it useful.

My Favorite Podcasts — John Lee Dumas.

Here's a little coaching secret: Some of my best ideas and strategies come from my clients. Let me introduce you to John Lee Dumas, host of Entrepreneur On Fire. Awarded Best Of iTunes in 2013 because of his dedication to serve his listeners and share incredible insights to help guide us on our Entrepreneurial journey. Failure is part of every journey, and on EntrepreneurOnFire, the first story John shares is his guest’s biggest failure and their lessons learned.

The second story he dives into is his guest’s AH-HA moment and the steps they took to turn that moment into success. The grand finale is The Lightning Round, where John asks six rapid-fire questions to extract nuggets of wisdom for his listeners.

All in all, EOF is about inspiring YOU to take YOUR entrepreneurial leap. John knows that by learning from the failures, the AH-HA moments, and the successes of others, you can begin to craft your dream and take inspired ACTION!

Entrepreneur On Fire has featured incredible Entrepreneurs such as Seth Godin, Gary Vaynerchuk, Barbara Corcoran, Tim Ferriss, Brian Tracy, and over 900 others. Are you prepared to IGNITE?

HERE IT IS.

Sit back, load them on your phone, put your headphones on, and enjoy. Each one has changed my life and thinking.

P.S. Thank you Jacqueline! 

GardenFork & Rich Gee Podcast!

Once again, Eric Rochow from the world-class podcast GardenFork TV has asked me to 'co-host' an episode with him!

• We begin by talking about my love of the Snow Wolf a neat snow removal shovel.
• We also talk about my favorite site - Cool Tools.
• We both like Stabilicers, those strap on ice cleats that keep you from slipping.
• We touch upon data protection begins with online backups.
• We then move on to troubleshooting your heating system where I was able to narrow down his heating problem to a controller on one of the heat zones of his house.
• And we close with our love of stovetop pizzas.

If you want to hear our great stories, insightful information, and some funny banter, CLICK HERE!

My Favorite Podcasts — Tim Ferriss.

If you know me, I am an avid podcast listener. At any one time, I have between 15-20 podcasts on my iPhone and I listen to them in the car when I commute to my office on the water. I've been a fan of Tim Ferriss ever since he published his first book "The Four Hour Workweek". Unfortunately, many people, to this day, still chide him for his egregious title - "No one can fit 40 hours of work into four hours!".

They're missing the point. Tim sets the stage not to curtail your workweek into four hours, but to constantly look at all the things you do and use tools, techniques, tips, gear, and habits to streamline your behavior.

His new podcast (he just started over a year ago) is PHENOMENAL. Well thought out, interesting, insightful and most of all, Tim procures the BEST people to interview.

Here are some of my favorites:

• Matt Mullenweg (he started Wordpress) has been named one of PC World’s Top 50 People on the Web, Inc.com’s 30 under 30, and Business Week’s 25 Most Influential People on the Web.
• Arnold Schwarzenegger… at his kitchen table. Tim and Arnold cover how he started, how he excels and what he does to this day to stay at the top of his game.
• Marc Goodman has been a Resident Futurist for the FBI and a senior adviser to Interpol. In this episode, Tim and Marc go deep into the digital underground to expose the alarming ways criminals, corporations, and even countries are using emerging technologies against you…and some simple steps you can take to decrease your vulnerability.
• Ryan Holiday, author of The Obstacle Is The Way, started as a Director of Marketing at American Apparel at age 21 (!). He gets more heat, makes more high-stakes decisions, and take more risks in a given week than most people experience in any given quarter. He also happens to be a die-hard Stoic and incredible at putting the principles into practice.

Sit back, load them on your iPhone, put your headphones on, and enjoy. Each one has changed my life and thinking.

How To Give Killer Phone Interviews.

Many of my clients who are in transition from one job to another are frequently thrown into the practice of an initial phone interview. Here are a number of key tips and learnings to make you crush it every time:

Control your space.

Optimally, try to ensure no noises or interruptions. Pick a room where you can safely close your door and separate yourself from the outside world for the entire interview. No ringing phones, no screaming kids, no barking dogs . . . nothing. Make it your fortress of solitude by taking steps to eliminate all interruptions or noises that might throw you (or your interviewer) off their game. If you have to — find another location to call if your home has become another DisneyWorld.

Stand & Walk Around.

Your best voice comes from good posture and the best posture is to stand. Your breathing, your voice and your energy are all affected when you stand. It allows you to move your hands to make a point if needed and move around to stay focused on listening to the question. That's why most singers stand — they enunciate better, they breathe better, and they project better. Even if your phone is corded, you can still walk around. But don't walk too far away from your notes!

Dress comfortably.

They aren't going to see you — so wear clothes that make you feel your best. If you want to dress up — go for it! If you want to wear sweats — by all means! Go naked — I don't care! I want you to feel your best so your entire personality flows through your receiver to the interviewer. One caveat — wear silent clothes and accessories. You don't want scratching, clinking, or tinkling noises to travel and possibly send a negative signal to the interviewer. So can the metal bracelets, ornate necklaces, or over-ornate earrings. Keep it simple and silent.

Don't answer the phone like a serial killer.

I can't tell you how many people I talk to answer their phones like Ebenezer Scrooge. Heeelllllooooo? No name, no real greeting, no energy, no excitement. What a great way to lock in a negative first impression! Here's a simple tip — answer every call like it's Publishers Clearinghouse calling to hand you a $100 million check. "Good Morning! This is Rich Gee — can I help you?" or "This is Rich Gee — how are you today?" The first six seconds of your call sets the stage for anyone on the other line — make it special.

Energize your voice. 

Throughout the call, constantly monitor your energy and ensure it's flowing positively over the line. Even with tough or objectionable questions, pull back, pause and then answer with honest energy so the recipient receives it with gusto. Modulate your conversation by moving it all around the spectrum:

• Talk faster when you are truly excited about a topic or feel the interviewer finds it important. Pop your words.
• Slow down when you have to explain a complex situation or process with clarity.
• Talk slightly louder when making a point or agreeing with the interviewer. Laugh if you want.
• Power down your voice if the conversation turns serious. You don't want to come off totally flippant with a serious subject.

In the end, try to parallel your voice, tones, and enthusiasm with the interviewer as much as you can. Be positive, enthusiastic and add energy as frequently as possible.

Smile.

It's free. Try to smile the entire time while you're on the phone. There is a decided difference in sound/voice/energy between a person who isn't smiling and one who is. You can instantly tell if the person is smiling by the intonation of their voice. It's really easy to do — so do it.

Keep all your thoughts in front of you.

Hit Staples and purchase a white tri-fold foam core board. This will be a valuable tool to keep all of your:

• Talking points especially the key areas you feel the interviewer needs to understand.
• Prompts to keep your energy up - put a big "SMILE" sign right at the top to remind you to smile.
• Use post-it notes to help you with specific areas you'd like to cover during the interview and pull them off as you use them.
• If there is a complex list or topic — put it up there.

This board will allow you stay on point and cover all the elements you need to communicate without forgetting anything. In addition, your board will help you with your nervousness if asked a tough question — you have all the answers right in front of you!

Don't ask selfish questions.

Initial phone interviews are not the time to ask about specific compensation or logistic questions. Usually, the phone interview is a first pass to see if you initially qualify for the job's requirements and it's usually with someone from Human Resources. If you have a second phone interview with your hiring manager, you've probably passed the first level and now they want to know more about you, your accomplishments and your personality. They don't want to talk about specific dollars, hours, location, etc. Keep that to subsequent interviews (hopefully in person).

Prepare great questions to ask.

You need to ask a number of critical questions not only to get the right answers, but to also impress the interviewer with the topics you choose. Here's a great list of questions I offer to my clients — Click Here (PDF).

Catch red flags and prepare to lower them.

You know your gaps, your faults, and your black marks. Be prepared to address them quickly, succinctly, and put them to bed. Don't try to hide them — most good interviewers will pick them out immediately and hone in on them like a good dentist looking for gingivitis. Don't equivocate — address the question, answer it, and move on. Everyone has issues — you're not special.

Hope these tips have helped. Contact me if you use them or if you have any comments!

The Best Books I Recommend.

I'm asked all the time by clients and attendees to my keynotes/workshops/seminars to recommend my favorite books. My assistant and I took some time over the weekend and made a new page that lists my favorites. Enjoy!

Visit The Best Books.