5 Powerful Lessons From My Vacation.

I took 10 days off over the past week for a much needed vacation for me and my family. We made our way down to Maryland's eastern shore (to a family farm) and then made our way to visit Washington DC. Even though I was relaxing, I had a lot of time during our travels to think about what I learned during my vacation:

1. I disconnected from my practice.

I came back to 500+ emails — but I made sure prior to my vacation, to let all of my clients, colleagues and friends know I'd be gone and if they really needed to reach me, to call. No one called. The time away from email was energizing. Knowing every day that I could just get up and go for a swim, or a walk, or just sit and read gave me real clarity and focus.

It gave me the permission to clear out the cobwebs and focus on what really important — personally and professionally.

2. I watched people.

My disconnection allowed me to watch and engage people from all walks of life. It allowed me to see really bad service and really exceptional service during my time on the road. It

I walked around with a new sense of wonder — engaging people and asking them questions — how's your day going, what's it like to work here, do they ever see anyone famous, etc. It's amazing how animated people get when they someone takes a sincere interest in their life.

3. I built deeper connections with the people I love.

One of the most important things I did was to spend time with my family — my wife and two sons (ages 11 and 16). We had a lot of fun relaxing at the farm and then sightseeing in DC. My two favorites — seeing my 16 year old son act as tour guide while we were in DC (I was so proud) and my 11 year old son have so much fun cutting down bamboo at the farm (he is a dedicated Mythbusters fan and will tackle any project with aplomb).

In addition, I spent quality time with my life partner. She and I have known each other for over 33 years (married 22) and still learn new aspects of one another every day. This vacation grew us closer together.

4. I had time to learn.

I spent a portion of my time reading and enjoying books. I also engaged with my older brother, his wife and sons and learned a host of new things about the world around me. We didn't talk business — we talked more about the world and philosophy in general. When was the last time you did that?

5. I recharged my batteries.

Let me state — I was not 'powered-down' and in need of energy. I was okay — I was moving along just fine over the past eight months. But it's like hooking you up to a powerful energy source (as in The Avengers movie, during the fight between Iron Man and Thor - Thor hit Iron Man with a huge bolt of lightning - and suddenly, Iron Man's energy potential shot upwards of 400%).

It really got my mind working in higher gears and began to build up a reserve of energy to take me through the end of 2012. I am full of ideas and direction — stay tuned!

If you haven't gone on vacation — GO. You can afford the time away from work.

Don't Think Too Much. Just Act.

"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." - Win Borden "A ship is safe in a harbor, but that's not what ships are for." - William Shedd

I wanted to hit you early this morning with a few of my favorite and powerful quotes. 

I've been doing a LOT of public speaking lately. Conferences, keynotes, expos, organizations, and corporate gigs have been littering my calendar lately. It's been a BLAST. And I've learned a lot about the people I present to.

They're scared. Not the monster in the closet with the knife scared, but a slow, rhythmic, fear that invades their life. Their thinking.

And their actions.

The markets are unsure right now. Business is unsure right now. People are unsure right now.

But this is one of the best times to strike out and do something DIFFERENT. Take a chance. Try something new. BE BOLD IN LIFE.

I promise you — there are a LOT of people out there right now making a lot of money based on their ideas, their connections, and their HUSTLE.

You can be one of them too.

So today's charge for you is to look at what you do everyday and do it differently. Make a change. Reach out to someone who you thought was untouchable. Start something new. Improve and expand what you do.

It will not only motivate and inspire you — it will energize and get everyone around you to notice your tsunami.

Make it happen.

How To Better Control Your Time.

Time is the one thing you can never get back. So you need to be careful with it, don't waste it, don't hurry through it, and use it effectively. You need to CONTROL your time.

How do you do that? It's easy and it's hard — here are some tips:

Clear Your Desk.

I know . . . it's hard. But once it's done, it is so easy to focus without any distractions to instantly pull you away from the task at hand. Also there is the visual aspect of a clean desk. You FEEL better about yourself and your surroundings. It's easier to find things and important papers don't get lost.

So here's my strategy — Pile, View, Attack/File/Toss/LCB:

1. Pile - Take everything off your desk and make a single pile of paper.
2. View - Pick up and look at each piece of paper. You must make four piles:
3. Attack - work on it immediately - something you can complete within a short amount of time.
4. File - File it away for future access.
5. Toss - Throw it away. I know it's hard - but most of your pile can go this route.
6. LCB: Last Chance Bin - get a box and place it under your desk. If you are unsure of tossing something, put it into this bin. If you need it later, it's there. If not (after 3-6 months), toss it out. This bin works wonders.

Plan Your Day.

This is the hardest and surprisingly the easiest way to get a better handle on your time. Why?

If you go somewhere or if you're on a trip, you have a destination and a route to get there. That's called a plan.

Why is it when you get to work you don't architect the same thinking for your activities, meetings, and tasks? What needs to be done — what is it's priority — and when will you complete it?

Randy Pausch developed a very simple, yet effective template to help anyone plan their day. It's made up of four quadrants:

• Due Soon and Not Due Soon
• Important and Not Important

When you look at your "Attack" pile of work for the day, you usually work through it based on time in and time out. But importance flies out the window — most people aren't working on the most important and critical tasks. This tool helps them do it.

Which ones to work on first? Upper left! Which ones to work on last? Lower right! Here's a PDF template you can use.

Work On One Thing At A Time.

This is where we all fall down. We think we can 'multi-task' our work and guess what? We never get anything done or even worse, we do things in a haphazard fashion.

Take your Attack pile and your Activity List and make your way down each item. Once it's complete, check it off. Set aside time to work on your attack pile — don't answer the phone — don't let anyone bother you — don't let anything take your focus away from the task at hand until you are DONE. You can always return that phone call 15-30 minutes later or go see the person who wanted to see you.

Also — turn your email reminders OFF. You can get back to checking email when you're DONE.

At first it will be difficult. But when you start to see a clean desk, a planned out day, and REAL progress on your work. These basic behaviors will begin to kick in. Try it!

Your Communication Skills Stink – Part Two.

Last week, I covered why communication is so important to business. Speaking with your clients, team, peers and boss are all critical to your success and are usually the nexus of problems when things go awry. See Part One here. If you break down the structure of communication, it really is the transmission of information. You say something, I respond. I say something, you respond.

It's a 'Give & Take' relationship, but sometimes the signal lines can be bad. The wires are compromised. Emotions get in the way.

And this can happen in a millisecond. It's probably happened to you — you are speaking with someone and suddenly — they shut down, they get an angry look on their face, or they bite back with venom. It's all happened to all of us — we chose the wrong word, or focused on the wrong example — and BAM! We get hit right in the nose. And it hurts.

Especially when communicating information. When selling to a prospect, instructing a team member, or speaking with a superior, one needs to be SO careful — here is the architecture of the conversation.

On one end is IDU — I Don't Understand. On the other is YDU — You Don't Understand.

IDU is the state where the person begins to shut down because you are speaking about a subject they don't know or understand. You are talking OVER their head. When it happens, the person starts to feel inferior or incompetent and they shut down.

YDU is the state where the person begins to get angry because YOU don't know or understand their situation. You are talking PAST them. When it happens, the person starts to feel angry or contempt for you — they begin to interrupt or sit and stew with anger.

IDU is on one end of the spectrum and YDU is on the other end. Your job is to remain in the middle with your communication, giving them info while ensuring you don't venture in IDU or YDU territory.

And the way to ensure this doesn't happen is to:

1. Watch for physical signals. They might start looking away or looking angry or impatient. They might not respond immediately or come back with a response that sounds frustrated or angry. On the phone, listen for typing or clicking — they are not listening, they are multi-tasking.
2. Ask questions along the way. Like: "Are you with me so far?" or "Am I speaking too quickly?" or " Do you want me to review any aspect of what I just covered?" or "Do you know this already?" This gives the receiver a chance to better understand the information and will quickly take you out of the IDU/YDU area.
3. Paraphrase their response. When they do respond, paraphrase what you just heard. This will quickly take you out of the YDU end of the spectrum.

Communication is so critical for your success — make sure it is TWO-WAY!

Change Your Life With A Cookie.

"You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one." A fortune cookie — I found this in a darn fortune cookie!

How serendipitous life is — when you least expect it — the universe opens a door to enlightenment.

So what does this mean?

1. You are not instantly a failure when you fail.
2. No one can make you a failure.
3. Only you can make yourself a failure.
4. It's easy to fail, but then it's also as easy to decide to learn from your failure.
5. Failure is a prolonged state of mind.
6. Failure influences future behaviors.

Are you going to make mistakes? Sure.

Are you going to fail? Sure.

But we need to understand is HOW we react to that failure. If we let it defeat us — Failure has won.

If we step back and learn from our failure — we move on. We stay strong. We get that much closer to success.

So today — don't focus on your failures, your losses, your dropped balls, your missed chances.

Today I want you to see what CAN happen. What you can do right NOW.

You'll thank me.

Work Smarter, Not Harder.

I really didn't mean that. To be honest, to be successful, one needs certain things to happen:

1. You have to hustle. Move faster than your competition and get things done. Take action.
2. You have to be smart. Not only intelligence, but knowledge and street smarts.
3. You have to be lucky. Sometimes it comes from nowhere, but most of the time it presents itself from opportunities you developed.

But there are times when you need to be nimble, agile, and frankly, work smarter. How? Here goes:

Think of all the things you do during the day. The email, the meetings, the people, the stop-bys, the phone calls, the traveling, the commute . . . everything.

Now I want you to take each element and figure out how you can STREAMLINE it. Make it take less time but deliver the same (or increased) result. Let's try each one:

• Email - do you have to read EVERY email? Develop a system to read the important messages and toss the rest.
• Meetings - do you have to go to EVERY meeting? Eliminate one meeting per week - you don't really need to be there.
• People - who are the most important people to your career? Who wastes your time? Start spending more time with the important people.
• Stop-bys - it's nice to have an open-door policy but you have to have time for yourself. Close your door at certain times to get working.
• Phone calls - all calls should be five minutes or less. If it is more complex, you need to meet.
• Traveling - do you really need to go there? Can you video conference in? A conference call?
• Commute - sitting in the car for an hour a day is tiring. Can you listen to motivational CD's? Can you telecommute?

Think outside of the box — you want to work smarter — get the work done in less time without killing yourself.

Over the next few weeks, I will be focusing in on each of these areas - STAY TUNED!

Image provided by H Sterling Cross at Flickr.

The Book You Should Be Reading RIGHT NOW.

Every so often, a business/self-help book comes along that knocks my socks off.  Before I begin, I find most of this book genre terrible. People today write books not because they have a great idea or a better way of doing things, they write books to become famous. They might become famous and appear on TV, but their book still sucks.

The other day, I came upon a book that has changed the way I think, live, work, and interact with people. It's called The Tools. Phil Stutz and Barry Michels are both psychotherapists who honed these tools to help people like you and me.

Phil invented The Tools when he was finished with his training as a psychiatrist. After a number of failures at helping his early patients he felt that the kind of psychotherapy he was trained in didn't offer much to patients that was all that practical. He basically started from scratch and invented The Tools as a way to help his patients with day to day problems, and to his surprise and his patients' satisfaction, it worked.

Barry faced the same dilemma, but at a critical juncture in time Michels was lucky enough to attend one of Stutz's lecture. He became the prime student of Stutz and found incredible success using the tools with his patient population. Both have used these tools as the cornerstone of their psychotherapy. The two worked together to refine them and are now the go-to psychotherapists to Hollywood writers and the stars. They are presenting this book to bring their ideas to the general public and to help people help themselves.

These four fundamental problems which keep clients from living the life they want to live:

1. Pain avoidance (out of fear of rejection, failure, and negative consequences) to the extent that clients don't move forward or progress — clients are stuck in a comfort zone in which they aren't achieving their goals, life is passing them by.

2. Unrealistic belief that people will treat you fairly — when this doesn't happen, clients become enraged/hurt and replay the experience, refuse to move forward until wrong is rectified, obsess about the person or event, fantasize about revenge etc.

3. Insecurity based on intimidating situations — leads to difficulty expressing yourself, connecting to others etc.

4. Negative thinking displayed in worry, anxiety, criticism, judgment of others and self-hatred — clients feel like a dark cloud hangs over them and have difficulty enjoying life and creating positive experiences.

I'll be honest, this book won't appeal to everyone. If you believe that the universe is simply mechanistic governed by material laws, matter-based cause and effect alone, you may find this book isn't for you. However, if you believe that growth and spiritual evolution are principles operating in the universe, and that laws and powers exist to support resolving problems and forward movement, then you may be intrigued by the tools the authors have discovered and field-tested through their personal experience and clients' experience.

IMPORTANT: I bought the audiobook to listen to in the car, it is much better than the book (I have that too) - you actually hear Phil and Barry explain each tool as they would in their seminar. Powerful.

PLEASE SHARE AND GET THE WORD OUT ON THIS BOOK! Thank you!

The Number One Way People Get Derailed.

It happened to you again. It's happened to me. It's happened to all of us at one time or another. We blame other people, circumstances, luck, your parents, your family, and ultimately the finger always points back at YOU.

Only you can change your situation. But we sometimes are afraid of what might happen. We start making up elaborate stories about what 'will' happen. We get caught up with a lack of inspiration, confidence, focus, energy, and my favorite persistence. How don't you get derailed? 

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I get a lot of business cues from watching Mad Men, a tv series based in an ad agency in the 1960's. During the last episode, the main character, Don Draper is frustrated at the firm's new win — Jaguar and Dunlop Tires. He states, " These are piddly-little companies — I want Chevy and Firestone. Forget Lucky Strike, I want Dow Chemical." His partner instantly retorts back, "This is the old Don Draper, I've missed him." And subsequently makes the Dow Chemical meeting happen.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Right now — what's the one thing you would do to make your career, your job, your business BETTER?

Who would you call? What would you do? What can you affect?

Here's the secret: Just Do It. Make It Happen.

Why You Don't Delegate Your Work.

Delegation is scary. It's a loss of control, it's relying on someone other than yourself to deliver, and a lot of people feel it actually will take more work than doing it themselves. That's all true. You do lose control — but in a planned and calculated way. You can monitor the situation.

Someone else does deliver — and with that, comes a host of insecurities and uncomfortableness. It's the unknown.

It will take more work — initially. But once the person has it down, you then can spend time on more important things.

Here's my hierarchy of delegation and where most of us get nervous when we think of delegating:

Tier 1 — Basic Work

This is the easiest part to delegate - the work. It just entails that the new person has the ability and focus to cover and deliver the proposed workload on time. Most of the time, they can do this part easily. At first, you have to walk them through it, but if you've chosen your person correctly, they will pick this up in a flash.

Tier 2 — Irregularities

This is where certain small 'bumps in the road' are found by the person and it takes them a little bit out of their regular basic work arena. Most (if not all) people can handle this area and usually you don't need to help out (maybe the first time). Example: when a bookkeeper finds an errant entry.

Tier 3 — Pop-Up Events

These are regularly planned events, deliverables and extra work that are expected, but do take the person out of the normal 'basic work' area. They might be a presentation, a monthly/quarterly report, or a meeting. This is a slightly scary area for delegators — they worry the person might screw up (and they will then look bad) or the person will forget (oops!).

Tier 4 — Emergencies

This is the critical, defining moment for delegators. They worry the person they delegated to will not be able to handle those emergencies which crop up from time to time. They could be mistakes made by the client, unforeseen circumstances, or just plain shake-ups of the normal process which have a critical time component attached to them. I always tell my clients this is where they have to jump in the first few times to help the person they delegated to with the matter at hand.

Tier 5 — Personality/Process Issues

Here is the deal-breaker for delegation. Delegators are afraid of relinquishing certain duties or projects because 'only they' can handle the people attached to the account or project. Usually they feel they have more time invested and really know the peculiarities of the people involved or they've built a solid reputation with them.

See where I'm going? A lot of delegation is the worry of losing control and taking a hit to your self-esteem. Remember . . . only YOU can do this critical work. What would happen to your ego if the person you picked did it BETTER? If they handled emergencies a little faster and more efficiently? If they ACTUALLY got along better with clients and colleagues than you did?

Most of the time, we are worried about the person screwing up and making us look bad (or worse, lose the account). The funny thing is, much of this is fixed by close monitoring and jumping in when needed. But the real obstacle in delegation is the psychic hit to our self-esteem, ego, and our work output. We don't want to look bad or ineffective.

Delegation is like jumping into a cold pool  — it's hard to talk yourself into it, but when you do jump in, it's cold for a few seconds and then you quickly get used to it. My mantra — if you don't delegate, you'll never move up, improve, or take on more challenging/interesting responsibilities.

A Goal Without A Plan Is Just A Wish.

A powerful quote and image (a la Mad Men) to start off your Friday. Next steps to be the person you could have become:

1. Take a piece of paper and pen.
2. Write down what you have right now — relationship, career, possessions, friends, worth, etc. Keep it general.
3. Now write down your dreams — relationship, career, possessions, friends, worth, etc. Keep it general, but THINK BIG.
4. Compare the two.
5. Start developing paths with steps from your current state to your desired state.
6. Start moving forward. Today.

"A goal without a plan is just a wish." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

The Two Most Important Days Of Your Life.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” — Mark Twain What a powerful quote. But what does it really mean?

And more importantly, what does it really mean TO YOU?

Some people already know — they're sure about their purpose. There are also some people who have a good idea, but they aren't 100% sure about why they're on this earth.

And then there are people who don't know. Why is that?

• They don't want to know. When they get close to learning their true purpose — they step back and shy away.
• They go through life without a purpose. They don't realize the magic of having a purpose and the power it brings.
• They vacillate from one purpose to another. This isn't a bad thing — but in the end it probably causes internal and external confusion of purpose.

So the big question is — How do you figure out your life's purpose? I have some strategies:

• Sit down and think, meditate and reflect.
• Review where you've been, what you've done, and who you've impacted/influenced so far.
• Review what things/people/activities energize you (and what ones enervate you).
• Start to finely focus your lens and cull down your choices to a few.
• Then step back and look at the whole picture.
• Finally, make a clear decision, understand what your purpose is, and move forward.

Years ago, two powerful things happened which helped me fully understand my purpose in life.

First, one of my best friends from college, Dave Taylor, recommended a book to me — Tuesdays With Morrie. I can't tell you how much this book changed my life and outlook on the world. If you haven't read it — READ IT. If you have — READ IT AGAIN.

It allowed me to briefly step off the corporate rat race mentally and better understand what are the really important things in life.

Second, I hired Karen Gregaitis, my Dale Carnegie trainer and coach to help me excel and cope with my erratic corporate leadership role. She recommended I take an assessment call Tru-Values (a tool I use with many of my clients) which allowed me to better understand the value drivers in my life.

To this day, I focus on my four values - Encourage, Energize, Enlighten & Have Fun. Wonder why I coach, write, and speak?

I'm doing what I love. ARE YOU?

P.S. If you would like to learn more about the Tru-Values assessment, let's connect.

Be Proud Of Yourself.

As a coach, one of my responsibilities is to help my clients acknowledge their accomplishments. Why? Because we don't. We get so caught up in the rat-race, getting things done, moving as fast as possible — and we don't take the time to stop and review where we are and where we've come from.

A big part of my job is acknowledgement — I help my clients fully appreciate where they are in life — all the hard work, all the sweat and tears, all the long nights and early mornings — everything.

Why? It gives us perspective. It allows us to understand what it takes for us to really succeed. It also allows us to understand how hard we are on ourselves and how we forget all the hard work.

So . . . I want you to take a few minutes this morning and fully acknowledge where you are in life today:

• Do you have a roof over your head? A lot of people don't.
• Do you have a full stomach? A lot of people are hungry in this world.
• Do you have a partner in life? Family? Good for you!
• Are you employed? Nice work!
• Do you have a car? Excellent!
• Do you have a savings account? Good planning!

If you say yes to most of these questions — congratulations! If you have most - great job.

Be proud of yourself — who you are, what you do, who you impact, and what you leave behind. If you put yourself in the position of acknowledging your current position and what you've done — you have only one way to go — UP.

HOW DO YOU ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS? HOW ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF?

LET ME KNOW BELOW . . .

The Secret To Getting Things Done.

Candidly, it hard to get things done. Of course, some things are easy, but many of them are quite difficult. We are always looking for ways to do things better, faster, and with less worry and work. Years ago, I came upon one of the most simple and powerful quotes I've ever read. It's from Mohandas Gandhi, who in his 78 years of life, gave us so many great quotes (and his actions too!).

"Action Expresses Priorities."

That's it. That's MY secret to getting things done.

Think about it — All of your actions, all the things you do, all the things you deliver — set your priorities. Once you take action, you instantly decide what you want to do first. Why? People tend to act upon those things that have meaning to them.

But I think it's deeper than that. I think when you don't know what to do, you need to just take action anywhere and suddenly certain things will start to fall into place.

But that's the problem today — we don't take action. We're afraid to — we procrastinate, over-analyze, and postpone because we are sometimes afraid of action.

Because action will ensure we have to make a decision — we have to do something that is sometimes hard, or we will have to deal with the results of that action.

But what we don't realize is that action moves us forward. It propels us . . . it forces us to rocket faster and faster. And sometimes we are afraid of that.

So ask yourself:

• How can I take action today?
• What should I do first? Second? Third?
• What should I stop doing?

So the next time you are putting off something — a decision, a task, a phone-call — just think "Action Expresses Priorities".