New Job? Five Mistakes We All Make.

When you start a new job, everything is just hunky-dunky. You're in a new office, new boss, new responsibilities, new friends, and hopefully, more money and increased responsibility. Many people expect their boss and company culture will bring them along (like orientation at college) and help them integrate well into the inner workings of their new organization. Not so fast.

Sometimes it actually happens — most of the time, it doesn't. And who's to blame if something goes awry? YOU.

So I've listed five major mistakes that new employees make when they first start a new job.

1. They expect everyone to be nice and 'on their side'.

There are 3 types of people you meet on the job:

1. Helpers - people who will help you learn the ropes and work with you.

2. Walking Dead - lifeless people who go about their day; get in the way with complaints/regulations.

3. Threats - people who actively regard you as a threat; major impediment; try to trip you up.

Stick with the Helpers, disregard the Walking Dead, and keep your eye on the Threats.

2. Your boss will love you forever.

You need to prove yourself to your boss before the initial work honeymoon ends. They usually give you a few weeks to get up to speed and then they want to start seeing results.

Look at it as a good-will savings account. When you're hired, you have a small positive balance. But any mistake, deficiency, or screw-up deducts from your account. Your job is to blast out of the starting gate, make some quick wins, and fill up your new savings account with good-will currency.

3. You can work as hard as you did at your last job.

You have to kick it up a notch at your new job. Come in early, stay late, and attack any project/task with increased vigor.

You are on stage right now and many people are silently grading you. Good first impressions are hard to develop, but bad ones are easy to deliver. Constantly task yourself to deliver more, add quality, and help others.

4. Communication will work perfectly.

When people move to a new job, communication structures are usually completely different from their past gigs. And this is where new hires slip up . . . badly. You need to:

• Establish clear communication structures with your boss and staff. Schedule regular status meetings with clear agendas.

• Listen the first few days/weeks at meetings. Get a good feel for how things are done before jumping in with a 'great idea'.

5. Your expectations of success will align with your boss' expectations perfectly.

No, they won't. And this is why so many people are let go in the first 90 days on the job. You need to be crystal clear with your boss about your responsibilities and deliverables. So do this:

• Develop a 30/60/90 day action plan with your boss. Work with them the first few days to clearly delineate your role, responsibilities, activities, deliverables, and most importantly -- deadlines.

• Meet each week and track your progress with your action plan. Check off your completed tasks and ask for help with those problem children activities.

• At the end of 90 days, you and your boss should be ecstatic about your progress since you've been delivering what they asked for. If they aren't, they're bat-shit crazy and it's time to move on.

This is a great tool to keep you and your boss on the same page and ensure there are no surprises that might derail your career.

What To Do When Life Hits You Square In The Face.

Ever have a REALLY bad day? One that really SUCKS? Did you lose your biggest client in an instant? Or did you get dressed down by your boss for doing something stupid (and you thought it was brilliant)?

We all have those days. As Rocky Balboa said, "But it ain't about how hard you get hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward."

Unfortunately, when you do get hit, you might find yourself wallowing in self pity. You might even be in one of Kübler-Ross' 5 Stages of Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).

Here's how I deal with it — I call it my "3 Stages of Success":

Stage 1 - Frustration

Not angry, just frustrated. Something (or someone) kicks you HARD out of control and you find yourself wheeling emotionally.

You question your worth. You start backtracking all of your actions. Add in a healthy scoop of emotions and your are downright FRUSTRATED.

Stage 2 - Reality Check

Stop the emotions for a second and let's do a quick reality check. Let's look at your situation logically — what REALLY happened? Is it the end of the world? Can you quickly recover?

Let's level-set our thinking and try to understand what happened and what we can do.

Stage 3 - Competitive Spirit

Now that you've thought logically about your situation and have come up with alternative strategies to move forward, let's access your competitive spirit.

You might say, "ARE YOU KIDDING RICH? I just got over being frustrated!" Let me be clear — you need to access your competitive spirit to move forward, take action, and never let this happen to you again. Some ideas:

What can you do right NOW? New plan? New strategy? New direction? Who can you call right NOW? Call some clients that left your service - take them to lunch. Call a scary prospect. Where can you go right NOW? Don't hunker down - get out - meet people, network, research, plan.

This is a natural process how humans adapt and EVOLVE. You hit a wall (or a wall hits you), you get frustrated, you do a reality check, and then get up and start running again.

As Rocky says, " Keep Moving Forward".

What do you do when life hits you square in the face?

P.S. Is life hitting you often? Let's talk. I've worked with many clients who've been hit hard — and we developed a successful strategy to grow. If you’re not a client . . . pick up the phone and call me (203.500.2421) — I offer a complimentary session each week to people just like you. Check me out — it might make 2017 a rousing success.

The Best Tool To Communicate Effectively With Your Manager.

Everyone has a manager/boss. Even if you are in business on your own, someone is out there plucking the puppet strings of your career. I work with a myriad of people who have incredible success and terrible issues with their manager. Some bosses are insane, some are saints, some are psychotic, and some are surprisingly normal.

One area I find where most people begin to see the cracks appear in their relationship concerns how they communicate with their manager.

Healthy, regular communication will always ameliorate any potential situation, ensure problems are addressed, and steps are taken in a reasonable amount of time.

Things go wrong when people forget two-way communication resembles a tug-of-war with a huge rope. When one side doesn’t communicate and pulls away, the other side needs to fill the void, take up the slack, and increase their communication.

So how do you do it? Here are some simple rules:

1. Regular — schedule it on their calendar; meet with them (face to face) to discuss what’s happening.
2. Short — make it a 10-15 minute meeting; the shorter, the better — focus on the tactical.
3. Stick to business — cover what you’re working on and discuss next steps. Use an update sheet (1 page) to document what is discussed.

Here’s a great email/paper template I offer to my clients (Rule: Only 1 Page):

1. Accomplishments (from last week):

• Accomplishment 1 (keep each bullet point short)
• Accomplishment 2 (keep it less than 5-7 words)
• Accomplishment 3 (easy to scan)

2. Activities for this week:

• Project 1 (projects to be completed this week)
• Project 2
• Project 3

3. Long-Term Projects (in the near future):

• Project – Due Date (must have due dates)
• Project – Due Date
• Project – Due Date

4. Concerns & Issues:

• Issue 1 (talk about obstacles)
• Issue 2 (come with solutions)
• Issue 3

This template allows you to document your progress and ensure there are no crossed expectations about what you do and what your manager wants you to do. In addition, when you have 52 of these sheets in a binder, reviews go so much easier because you have a syllabus of accomplishments to choose from.

If you meet regularly with your manager (say weekly) for 10-15 minutes and use the recommended template, your relationship will strengthen and soar.

I've even suggested this template for attorneys to keep their clients up-to-date on their progress. It actually helps when their retainer runs out and the client asks 'what have you been doing?' — you now have a weekly documented process to bypass these uncomfortable conversations (and ultimately when you discount your fees because they're angry).

What do you use to update your manager/client on your progress?

If You Aren’t Fired With Enthusiasm, You’ll Be Fired With Enthusiasm.

“If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you’ll be fired with enthusiasm.” – Vince Lombardi The funny thing is, it happens ALL the time. And people wonder . . . ‘What Happened?’:

• I went to work every day.
• I was there on time.
• I did what they told me to do.

It’s all about PERCEPTION. I know I’m going to get a lot of flak for say it, but it really comes down to how your superiors, your clients, your colleagues, and your team perceive you.

You can be the hardest working individual. The smartest. The fastest. You might be the only one on the block who hits their numbers.

But when the chips are down, you are shown the door. Or the client cancels their contract.

Here’s a little secret: It’s how others perceive your ENTHUSIASM.

• Are you a cheerleader? Are you positive (and not negative)?
• Do you take on your responsibilities with gusto?
• Do you deliver them on time AND let others know about it?
• Do you BRAG?
• Do you ask for more work?
• Do you help your boss/client with their burning issues?
• Are you constantly thinking outside of the box?

It’s not only your enthusiasm that makes a difference, it’s how others feel, encounter, and experience your enthusiasm.

My son was told by his teacher one day to add more ‘pizazz’ to his class presentation. “Go outside of the box – make it memorable.” So he did — he thought of ways to make it more engaging and fun — and he got an ‘A’ on it. How can you add ‘pizazz’ to everything you do? (by the way – he now adds ‘pizazz’ to everything he does).

Take a second and think of the most enthusiastic people you know. You know — the one who hits their desk on Monday with a smile, dives right into their work, always has a positive thing to say about the company AND never gossips.

How is their career doing? Are they on the hot projects? Do they have a 'ton' of clients? Are they invited to the cool meetings? Are they asked out to lunch by upper management? Are they asked to speak at major functions?

They probably are.

Today’s homework: How can you add just a little bit of pizazz to your job today?

Top 10 Most Read Articles In 2014.

Every year, I go back and track my website analytics to uncover what articles really resonated with my readers. Here are my top ten for 2014 to get you ready for 2015!

1. The Most Important Thing You Should Do In The Shower.

Acknowledge and feel gratitude for all the special things in your life.

2. How To Network Like A Pro.

Last night, I was invited to attend a gala event at the prominent investment firm in NYC. Here are some key techniques that I used to make the night a fruitful and productive one.

3. Build The Best Standing Desk For Your Office.

Lately, I’ve been reading about the healthy aspects of standing desks and learned about all the attributes of standing: better posture, more active, easy to reach items, etc.

4. Be Like Jack LaLanne.

I grew up with Jack LaLanne. I used to watch him every morning on TV. Jack taught me a lot of things about life — especially to stay positive all the time.

5. How To Eliminate Guilt About Not Doing Everything.

Some Shiny Objects are good. Some are bad. Let’s talk about the BAD Shiny Objects.

6. Be A Better Leader – 30 Leadership Hacks For Managers.

Here are my top 30 hacks to make you a better leader.

7. Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

When dying patients were questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five.

8. Five Tips To Fix A Bad Relationship With Your Boss.

You're getting the feeling your relationship has soured with your boss. How do you repair it?

9. Hitting A Wall In Your Career? You Need A Breakthrough.

It's tough today. It’s hard when everything is coming at you. Hard to think. Hard to act. Hard to react. As they always say — the first step is always the hardest.

10a. You’re Not Charging Enough For Your Services - Part One

10b. How To Charge More For Your Services. - Part Two

I received a huge response from readers who requested a number of techniques to help them raise their pricing. It became a two-part article. Enjoy!

If you truly want to change your life, career, or business this year. Check out my complimentary Test Drive.

Grow Your Position In Three Small Steps.

Sometimes we feel trapped at work. Doing the same thing day after day. Handling the same issues, the same malcontents and ultimately getting nowhere. What can you do to move forward?

When I work with teams, I have them perform a lot of teamwork, but I also refocus them on a series of simple exercises to help them grow their position.

I call it Change-Grow-Help. Simply, take a step back and look at what you do all day and think about what three things you can do to make it bigger, better, and more engaging.

CHANGE

What's one thing can I change in my day-to-day work to make it more streamlined, more efficient and effective?

Why CHANGE? Because we get stale. We end up doing things that are easy, familiar, and comfortable. To move forward, we need to mix it up and see where we can make subtle modifications to do things faster and better.

Examples - Kill a meeting, come in a bit earlier, delete that weekly report no one reads, meet with your boss for 5 minutes every morning, streamline your email, etc.

GROW

What's one thing can I do to grow me as an individual who can offer more, perform better, and make more-informed positions?

Why GROW? Because we should be always growing. The attitude of 'I know all I need to know" is a 20th Century behavior. You're going to be left behind VERY QUICKLY. What books, resources, classes can I access to grow myself?

Examples - Take a class, read a book, listen to a podcast/audiobook, meet new people, network, join a club, check out Toastmasters or Dale Carnegie, or (hire a coach).

HELP

What's one thing can I do to help my team, the department, or organization? How can I branch out and make a difference?

Why HELP? If you don't step out of your little cubicle hovel and start making a difference in other parts of the company, you'll stay an unknown and ultimately be forgotten, laid off, or fired.

Examples - Join a committee, start an organization, hold a learning lunch, advertise to your team and visit a conference, start a blood drive, etc.

Image: Royalty-Free License from Dollar Photo Club 2014.

5 Tips To Fix A Bad Relationship With Your Boss.

You started out so well. They hired you out of a field of thousands. They groomed you. They took you on trips, wined and dined you. They gave you the best projects and always had an open-door policy when it came to you. You were the Golden Child.

But then something went wrong. Not overnight, but over a series of months. You noticed it — they were paying more attention to your colleagues. Maybe an errant, small reprimand during a meeting. Or a meeting where you're asked not to attend. You feel you've been tossed on the rocky shoals at work.

In any event, you're getting the feeling your relationship has soured with your boss. How do you repair it?

1. Sit down and figure out what might be wrong.

This is your first step — assess the situation, the environment, your performance, and changes in the current organization. Did your boss get more responsibility? A new project? More team members? Is the company suddenly going through hard times? Did it miss it's targets for the quarter/year? Is your division/department going through a restructuring?

People's personalities and behaviors change when their environments change. If there is increased pressure on your boss, be sure it will trickle down to you in one way or another. More work, more pressure, and less face time.

If this is the case . . . ask if you can help them with their workload. Be there for them as a friend to listen. Help them with their pressure and above all, don't add to their problems. If you do, you will find it unpleasant.

2. Kick up your performance.

After you've assessed the situation, start working HARDER. Get things done quicker, stay later/come in earlier, be more communicative with your peers and team. Start delivering earlier on stated deadlines. Ask for more work. Figure out how you can put your performance into hyperdrive (not forever, just for a little while) to show your boss you can help out and deliver.

If this is the case . . . show them what you can REALLY do. 

3. Step up your formal communication with your boss.

I don't mean informal drive-by's at their office door. Begin to deliver regular communications of your progress — not long 'War & Peace' manifestos  but short and concise status reports on what you've accomplished, what you are working on, and what you will deliver in the next few weeks/months. Stepping up your communication will let your boss know you're still around and they'll see you are making accelerated progress on your responsibilities.

If this is the case . . . send them a weekly/bi-weekly/monthly email outlining your accomplishments and projects on deck. If they are busy or distracted, this is a simple and easy way for them to keep abreast of your work. Keep it short — one page max!

4. Ask a trusted colleague what might be wrong.

This is a tough one — but if your relationship is rocky, speak with a trusted friend to see if it's you or your boss. Sometimes they see things that you can't (blind spots). Your behavior might have changed, or you might have said the wrong thing during a meeting, or treated a client the wrong way. You think things are fine — but your relationship is not as strong as it used to be.

If this is the case . . . set up a lunch with your colleague and gracefully broach the subject with them. Say something like, "I've notice John is hard to figure out lately — are you seeing what I'm seeing?" or "Do you have the same face-time with Susan that you had six months ago? I almost never get the chance to meet with her lately."

5. If all else fails, talk to your boss.

This is the hardest, but most direct way to get to the bottom of the situation. A warning, do not, and I repeat, do not in any way make it THEIR fault. That will start the conversation off on the wrong foot — they will immediately become defensive and you will bear the brunt of their wrath.

If this is the case . . . start out by asking about them — how are things, haven't seen you around, etc. Then add, "Can I help in any way?" Most of the time, your boss will recognize they have been uncommunicative or unduly harsh and will try to open up a bit. If not, move forward and see if there is something you've done in the past that might have upset the applecart. "I just wanted to see if you approved on how I solved the Penske situation — was it to your satisfaction?" Start to probe — ultimately they will open up.

If all else fails — request a formal meeting to discuss your performance and to get feedback. It might be painful, but you might find they have no issues with your performance (and actually might say you're knocking it out of the park). At that point, open up and say you feel that your relationship is a bit distant and what can you do to improve it.

Good luck!

Image provided by Jay Wennington at Unsplash! (Free - do whatever you want images)

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How To Deal With Stress At Work.

As a coach, I deal with client stress issues all the time. It comes with the job. I  help my clients by focusing in on three simple philosophies from a book called Self-Powerment — written by Dr. Faye Mandell, an incredible woman and friend (go out and buy her book TODAY!).

Let’s get down to the facts: There are three stressors which tend to hit us when we least expect it — Fear, Anger and Guilt. What Faye tries to do is to get you back into your original human emotional needs we all experience — Security, Being In Control, and Feeling Adequate.

Here’s how your body and mind work (this will sound repetitive, it is, but stay with me):

Security

We all need to feel some sense of  security at home, on the street and at work. If your security is threatened, your natural feeling moves from security to anxiety. This is your body telling you something is wrong with your natural state of security. But it’s okay — your job is to understand you are anxious and you have to move back to some sort of security, by thinking of options or taking action.

Unfortunately, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our anxiety and turn it into FEAR. Our mind has taken our present need and projected it in the FUTURE. We are no longer living in the present, but fearing for the future.

Example: Fear of speaking in public. You have a speech to give and you begin to develop stories about how you will fail and the audience's reaction.

Being In Control

We all need to be in control at some level in our lives.If we get out of control, our emotions move from Conrol to Frustration. Again, this is your body telling you something is wrong - you’re not in control of something you usually control. You need to realize something (or someone) is frustrating you and you have get back and take control of the situation.

Once again, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our frustration and turn it into ANGER. Our mind has taken our present need and has allowed OTHER PEOPLE & THINGS to take control. We are no longer in control of our own life, we are letting other people and things take over.

Example: Your kids. They mess up the kitchen, you get frustrated, and your mind moves to anger. It happens to me ALL the time (they're boys).

Feeling Adequate

Feeling adequate is a strong emotional need in our lives. If we suddenly feel inadequate, we quickly start feeling disappointed or sad. Again, it's fine — your sadness is telling you to move back and regain your adequacy in one way or another.

And once again, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our adequacy and turn it into GUILT. Our mind has taken our present need and has projected it in the PAST. We are no longer living in the present, but worrying about the past.

Example: Someone says something you don’t quickly grasp. You begin to feel sad you never received a graduate degree, and you feel guilty.

Got it? Dr. Mandell’s position is to move quickly from the past, future, & people/things and get into the “I AM” or present state.

The way I interpret it: You can’t change the past, it’s difficult to change people/things, and stop worrying about the future — live in the present and take action.

What do you do when you are insecure, not in control, or feeling inadequate at work?

Image provided by Jonas Nilsson Lee at Unsplash.

New Job Success Or Failure: Your First Day.

Here are some quick tips I give all of my clients prior to their first day on the job:

Prepare

This is a critical task for you and sets up every other thing you do for your first day. You need to get this done 24 hours prior to your first day.

• Get all of your paperwork together. Everything that needs to be signed, your license, passport, etc.
• Pick your clothes and make sure they look great. You will feel better if they are all laid out and ready to go.
• Polish (men) and touch up (ladies) your shoes - they need to look great.
• Make your lunch the day before.
• Set the timer on your coffeemaker so you wake up to hot coffee.

Meditate

Yes, meditate. When you get up or after your shower, sit on your bed, close your eyes, and relax. Say to yourself:

• I will do great. I have years of experience ready to burst out of me.
• They love me - they picked me over every other applicant.
• I won't screw up - I will ask questions when I am unsure.

Day One is always the hardest day - it is built up with anxiety and fear - meditation will help you get centered. Take 1-2 minutes for yourself.

Leave Early

If your commute is 30 minutes, leave 1 hour early. This is a new route, with new traffic patterns and unknown hazards. Give yourself ample commuting time to get there with enough buffer to ensure you are stress-free and ready to go. If you get there early, that's fine.

Arrive Early/Stay Late

It sends the right message to your superiors, peers and team. It shows you are a 'hard' worker and sets the stage for building your reputation at your organization.

Smile, Smile, Smile

First impressions are made within the first 10 seconds. You are going to meet a lot of people - you don't have to remember their name - but smile and be engaging. It will give them a good sample of who you really are and get you off on the right foot.

Ask Questions

You are not inexperienced, you just need to measure how you will do things, where things are, and what to do with them. If you don't ask questions, you will probably stall and not work as efficiently as you usually would. Get through those obstacles and make things happen!

Try To Eat With Your Boss or Peers

It gives you another chance to quiz them on the more intangible areas of your position/organization. In any event, try to have lunch with all of the people you will touch at your job.

Go Home & Relax

It's been a crazy day. Come home, get into comfy clothes, and lay down on your bed. Embrace the feeling and memories of your new job — review the day with your spouse or partner.  This debrief is not only important, it's critical. It allows you to download your thoughts, experiences and emotions.

Go To Bed Early

It's been a tough day — go to bed one hour early to be fresh for the next day!

#001: Bulletproof Your Career [Podcast]

Welcome to my new podcast, Psycho Career & Career Psycho. Like my blog, it focuses on the trials and tribulations we all face in the business world. My goal is to help you live with more passion, work with greater focus, and lead with extraordinary influence.

My co-host is Margo Meeker, one of the best psychotherapists and life coaches out there. I've known Margo for years and have collaborated on many successful workshops with her throughout the U.S..

Why Psycho Career & Career Psycho? First, we wanted to catch people's attention and imagination with the title. We didn't want to do "Biz Talk" or "On The Road" or "Marketplace with Mabel" — we wanted a title that caught your imagination and honestly conveyed what's happening out there in the world right now. It's crazy! There are psychos out there! :)

Also, we wanted to cover what Margo is — a psychotherapist/life coach — and me — a business and executive career coach. So it fits!

We hope to make this a fairly regular podcast (hopefully weekly!). But for now, we are testing the waters and seeing where the rapids take us.

Our first podcast topic is 'Bulletproof Your Career' - how to keep your job and succeed in these tumultuous times. Margo and I cover the four areas critical for every person out there to keep their wits about them while making their way up the ladder of success.

We would LOVE your feedback - tell us what you think!

So without further ado . . . here's our podcast (see top of post)!

What Motivates You? A Simple Checklist.

An individual can't do their job effectively without being aware of what motivates them. A supervisor/manager should be cognizant of the fact that good performance is dependent not only on the abilities of team members, but also on how well team members are motivated to perform their tasks.

Are you aware of what motivates you to perform to the best of your ability? 

The following list includes possible motivators. Which of these are applicable to you?

1. Advancement within the company.
2. Possibility for growth and learning.
3. Responsibility.
4. Job security.
5. Self-Satisfaction by achievement.
6. Recognition of achievement.
7. Money — salary.
8. Good working conditions.
9. Interesting work.
10. Feeling 'in' on things.
11. Sense of belonging — acceptance.
12. Desire to help others.

Once you've circled the important ones, prioritize your choices. Do you see a picture forming?

Hand this list to your team members — have them fill it out. Once you get an idea of what they find important, it's much easier for you to manage their expectations.

What's your #1 motivator at work?

The One Phrase That Will Make You Millions.

And that phrase is: "How Can I Help You?" Stick with me here. If you aren't saying this phrase daily on the job, you are not:

• Delivering excellent service.
• Pushing yourself to new heights.
• Connecting with as many people and growing your network.
• Allowing yourself to be as successful as you can be.

You are not opening yourself up to the universe of opportunity. Okay, I might sound a bit 'out there', but it's true.

We all know the basic tenet of business is service. Whether it is a product, offering, communication, or something else, you need to connect with your clients and customers to deliver optimum service. That's a given.

But to grow from where you are now, you need to transcend the basics and open yourself up to new potentials. One way to do this is to ask: "How Can I Help You?".

Now you might be saying, "Rich, you're crazy." or "I already know that." I totally understand. But here's my point — you need to embrace this phrase and say it to different people EVERY DAY. Don't just hold it in your back pocket and let it out when it best suits you — you need to open yourself up to unforeseen unknowns — and reach out.

I've used this phrase for years with almost everyone I meet (I do have to be slightly selective - some will take advantage of you). Where should you use it?

• Ask your boss if they need any help on a tough project. Tell them you have a little time and can spend it helping them with the more mundane areas of a special project. They will LOVE you.
• Ask everyone you network with how you can help them. It will knock them for a loop. Not only does it catch their attention, it immediately telegraphs that you are a serious professional that wants to get things done.
• Ask each member of your team how you can help them. Tell them if they had to choose one area where you can help them, what would it be? Also tell them that they in turn need to begin asking this question too.
• Extra credit: Ask your family how you can help them. This one will truly throw them for a loop. Be serious — you will not only make their day, you will deepen your relationship with each one. By the way, with your kids, you're teaching them a valuable lesson.

I promise you — if you work this phrase into everything you do in business (and personal life), you will be infinitely more successful, happy, fulfilled, and rich than you ever would be if you didn't say it.

Have you ever actively asked this question? What were the results?

Is Your Boss A Psychopath?

You've probably worked for or with one sometime in your career. I'm not using this word lightly — I really mean psychopath — a person who exhibits a cluster of distinctive personality traits, the most significant of which is an utter lack of conscience. They also have huge egos, short tempers, and an appetite for excitement -- a dangerous mix.

This is a tough post to write, but I usually have 2-3 clients a year who describe their boss with a certain set of characteristics. For me, it sets off a series of alarms and I help them decide to stay where they are or move on. Because at the end of the day, you cannot change a person's behavioral makeup.

Almost 10 years ago, I read a very interesting report, written by Robert Hercz, titled "Psychopaths Among Us". In it, he relates certain descriptions of a 'subclinical psychopath' — one who is not overtly violent:

"They're the charming predators who, unable to form real emotional bonds, find and use vulnerable women for sex and money (and inevitably abandon them). They're the con men like Christophe Rocancourt, and they're the stockbrokers and promoters who caused Forbes magazine to call the Vancouver Stock Exchange (now part of the Canadian Venture Exchange) the scam capital of the world. (Hare has said that if he couldn't study psychopaths in prisons, the Stock Exchange would have been his second choice.)

Psychopaths can be found in legislatures, hospitals, and used-car lots. They're your neighbour, your boss, and your blind date. Because they have no conscience, they're natural predators. If you didn't have a conscience, you'd be one too.

Psychopaths love chaos and hate rules, so they're comfortable in the fast-moving modern corporation. Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist based near New York City, is in the process of writing a book with Bob Hare called 'Snakes In Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: Cons, Bullies and the Puppetmaster'. The subtitle refers to the three broad classes of psychopaths Babiak has encountered in the workplace.

Babiak says psychopaths have three motivations: thrill-seeking, the pathological desire to win, and the inclination to hurt people. "They'll jump on any opportunity that allows them to do those things," he says. "If something better comes along, they'll drop you and move on."

How can you tell if your boss is a psychopath? It's not easy, says Babiak. "They have traits similar to ideal leaders. You would expect an ideal leader to be narcissistic, self-centred, dominant, very assertive, maybe to the point of being aggressive. Those things can easily be mistaken for the aggression and bullying that a psychopath would demonstrate. The ability to get people to follow you is a leadership trait, but being charismatic to the point of manipulating people is a psychopathic trait. They can sometimes be confused."

Once inside a company, psychopaths can be hard to excise. Babiak tells of a salesperson and psychopath -- call him John -- who was performing badly but not suffering for it. John was managing his boss -- flattering him, taking him out for drinks, flying to his side when he was in trouble. In return, his boss covered for him by hiding John's poor performance. The arrangement lasted until John's boss was moved. When his replacement called John to task for his abysmal sales numbers, John was a step ahead.

He'd already gone to the company president with a set of facts he used to argue that his new boss, and not he, should be fired. But he made a crucial mistake. "It was actually stolen data," Babiak says. "The only way [John] could have obtained it would be for him to have gone into a file into which no one was supposed to go. That seemed to be enough, and he was fired rather than the boss. Even so, in the end, he walked out with a company car, a bag of money, and a good reference."

He's "not comfortable" with one researcher's estimate that one in ten executives is a psychopath, but he has noticed that they are attracted to positions of power. When he describes employees such as John to other executives, they know exactly whom he's talking about. "I was talking to a group of human-resources executives yesterday," says Babiak, "and every one of them said, you know, I think I've got somebody like that."

I post this report because I find that some of my clients go for years blaming themselves for poor performance, getting fired, or not making the grade. Sometimes, it's not them — it's probably their boss.

Have you ever wondered if you worked for a 'subclinical psychopath'?

How To Make Your Boss & Clients Happy All The Time.

Five simple words. Three if you don't count the hyphens: Under-Promise And Over-Deliver.

But time and time again, what do we do? Over-Promise And Under-Deliver. Which one makes our boss and clients happy?

Why do we do this? Why do we constantly over-promise what we can do, bunch up our priorities, and then disappoint when we deliver late? And why do we do this again, and again, and again?

Here is a scenario to stop this dysfunctional cycle:

• It's Monday. You are given a project/task to do. Your boss or client asks when you can deliver it.
• You know in your heart, you can easily complete it by Wednesday. And if you work extra-special hard, Tuesday night.
• So you say, "I'll have it to you Tuesday night. WRONG! This is where the train derails.
• You should say, "I'll have it to you Friday. Is that okay for you?"

Your boss or client will respond in one of three ways:

1. 80% of the time - "That sounds fine. If you can get it earlier to me that would be great."
2. 15% of the time - " Oh. Can you get it any earlier to me? Say Thursday?"
3. 5% of the time - "That won't do. I need it by Wednesday. Can you do it?"

First, why do I have you buffer the time from Wednesday to Friday? Simply, because stuff happens. Unexpected calls, emergencies, breakdowns, other clients, other projects, home emergencies, etc. You get where I'm going.

Unfortunately, we don't plan for these things to happen. But they do - all the time. So you need to buffer. What happens in this scenario?

1. You deliver on Thursday (comfortably) instead of Friday and your boss/client thinks that you're a genius (and hard worker).
2. You deliver on Thursday (comfortably) and your boss/client thinks that you are a person of their word.
3. You tell you boss/client that Wednesday will be very tight and you might have to move around some projects/tasks. You deliver on Wednesday.

If you begin to do this with all of your projects/tasks, you will find that your time is better used AND your boss/clients will love you.

5 Ways To Make Your Commute Bearable.

Commuting sucks. Anywhere you go, if you are on a parkway, highway, or thruway between 7-9 AM, you're probably swearing. You can blame it on anything — accidents, volume, weather — there will always be traffic congestion. You want to go 55, 65, 75 — but you're currently going 5. And the radio is just making it worse by intermixing the 15 minutes of commercials with a traffic helicopter telling you that there is traffic on YOUR route. My average commute (one-way, without traffic) is one hour — so I feel that I have a good handle on what the typical commuter endures every day. By the way, I totally understand about public transportation (I use it too) — but this post focuses solely on car commuting.

Why not work from home? Not every day. You need a few good ideas to help your commute become a bit more bearable. So here goes:

1. Listen to really good music. Most people I know don't plan their ride effectively when it comes to the enjoyment of music. They either just turn the radio on, grin and bear it through the bad music choices/commercials OR they drive around with the same six CD's in their car for the past year.One strategy is to pre-plan your music the night before — either on CD, Smartphone, or iPod — to ensure that you get a freshness and variety to make your ride fun. In addition, try using the shuffle or genius mode on your player to keep the mix of the songs fresh. Finally, if you aren't acquainted with the app Pandora, check it out — it changed my listening habits forever.
2. Read a book. Whoops . . . I meant LISTEN to a book. I find that I 'read' more than I did in college by using downloadable books. Why downloadable? It's soooo much cheaper. Instead of trying to manage 6-10 CD's, the entire book is neatly stored on my Smartphone or iPod.In addition to keeping the exact place where I left off, it allows me to carry it anywhere. And here's the best part — most audiobooks today aren't read by stuffy, upper-crust, gentry — they are now read by the author who adds so much more energy and information to the original book. Check this one out — you'll be surprised.
3. Listen to a podcast. This is my hidden secret of iPods that most users don't know about. There are millions of people and organizations who regularly post incredible podcasts (extended talkshows) on iTunes. They range from music reviews to UFO's, comedy to history — and they're unbelievable.
4. Brainstorm in the car. Go buy a digital tape recorder or use your Smartphone/iPod and begin talking. I find that I do my best brainstorming, strategizing, and thinking in the shower and in the car. Just turn it on and start talking — you'll be surprised what great ideas come out of your rambling. In addition, you can think up to-do lists, or dictate emails that can be electronically transfered once you hit the office.
5. Leave earlier. I know — some of you probably are swearing at this one. You might not be a morning person or your boss wants you to work late. But this is the one that usually cures all ills when it comes to your commute. I leave at 5:30 AM and get to work (95% of the time) at 6:30 AM.If I leave a bit early or on time, I get in 9.5 to 10.5 hours of work each day (I work through lunches). That's between 47-53 hours of work every week — a healthy amount if the boss starts to complain. I might hit a bit of traffic on my way home, but I can deal with it. And if your boss begins to complain about you leaving early, you need to talk to me, I can help you overcome this ridiculous behavior.

Let me know what ways you use to make your commute more bearable!

5 Ways To Spread A Little Warmth.

It's a cold world out there. One thing that always works for me is to share a positive, enthusiastic attitude.

Whenever I feel down, or when things aren't going my way, I try to instantly turn that around with a smile, a fun comment, or a positive action. Most of the time it works and as I do it, it becomes infectious, and bounces right back to me. So . . .

• Email - Instead of replying to a snarky email, call the person up and get them to level with you.
• Boss - Come in Monday with more energy and positivity than you've ever brought to work . . . ever. See what happens.
• Clients - See how you can add just a little more pizzazz to every interaction. Call them unexpectedly and get their feedback.
• Colleagues - See how you can help them. Givers gain.
• Subordinates - Give them one of your higher-end projects. At first they might not like the additional work, but when they see the level of the challenge and the exposure to other people, places, and things, they will thank  you.

As I stated from the start, the world is a cold place, so these tips might not work. So here's some advice — try one (or more) of them, if they don't work, you've probably run into one of three types of individuals:

• Temporarily Bitter - Something has got them down. If your first attempts at changing their perspective fail, ask what is really keeping them down. Most of the time they will open up (which in and of itself helps) and allows you to spread some real warmth. This is your 'warmth' sweet spot.
• Situationally Bitter - They hate a certain situation (their boss, their job, money, their clients, their life, their spouse/partner, their family, etc.). Attempt to help them, but you're treading in a minefield. Your warmth might be received as a shallow ploy to get something out of them. But it doesn't hurt to try.
• Permanently Bitter - As I learned as a small child from the man who works on power lines: "Stay away, Stay alive." These are people that go through life spreading their angst, annoyance, and turbulent attitude to everyone they meet — they act like Ebenezer Scrooge without the epiphany. Unfortunately, these people need a lot of work and you have to decide whether you want to spend an inordinate amount of time investing in their transformation — and it usually doesn't work. Unless they are really close to you, it's better to find more appealing surroundings.

I find the more that you add warmth to every interpersonal interaction, the more you make the world a better place and enhance your reputation. Try it.

By the way, if you are really interested in being more positive, check out this book. It was given to me by my good friend and fellow coach, Steve Cary.

Are You Throwing Happiness Out The Window?

Lately, a lot of people feel 'stuck' in their life. Why?

• Because of their past decisions leading up to the present.
• Because of the possibility of jumping into another terrible position.
• Because of the economy.

This is what I call "Not Living In The Present". Why? Let's look at the three reasons again:

• PAST GUILT: Past decisions leading up to the present.
• FUTURE FEAR: Possibility of jumping into another terrible position.
• DISPLACED ANGER: The economy.

Past Guilt

Blaming actions in the past that you feel are affecting the present. You are currently not feeling 'adequate' to attempt to jump to a new job because of your past failings, lack of knowledge/experience, or some other situation that might have happened to you.

Solution: You can't do anything about it. Stop frustrating yourself because of things that have happened in the past and start dealing with the qualities, experience, and talents that you currently have. Make a list - you will surprise yourself.

Future Fear

Being scared of the future may be real to you, but in reality, a waste of your time and energy. Why? You are predicting the future . . . if you knew exactly what was going to happen, go buy a lottery ticket. We hold ourselves back because we are insecure of what 'might' happen and we begin to concoct elaborate stories in our head to make them real.

Solution: Deal with your anxiety about the future — start making a plan based on reality and move from fear back into a strong secure place in your head and life. Sit down and map out specific goals you want to accomplish and those activities and tasks that will get you there. Add a timetable and you are done!

Displaced Anger

Blaming other people or forces about your misery is a common practice with many of my clients. Because of the marketplace, the economy, your clients, or a crazy boss, you are eliminating all ability to take control of the situation. There are always other options to any situation, unfortunately, we tend to throw them out the window and begin to blame things we cannot control.

Solution: Uncover, understand, and focus on the things you CAN control. Start breaking down your frustrations with outside forces and other people and begin to see opportunities that were hidden from you. The best way to do this is to state your situation, come up with alternatives, and brainstorm options, no matter how crazy or outlandish they are. You'll find that some of these options quickly turn into opportunities.

Start living in the present. You will be much happier and have abundant energy to change where you are NOW.

The Future of Work: The Last Days of Cubicle Life.

Presenting Part Ten of a Ten-Part Series (finally!) on The Future of Work from Time Magazine. By Seth Godin at Time.

When Frank Lloyd Wright unveiled the Johnson Wax Building in 1939, it showcased a new way of looking at work. One room, covering half an acre (0.2 hectare), was filled with women, lined up in rows, typing. Work didn't necessarily mean loud, dirty factories, but it still involved sitting in orderly rows, doing orderly work for a finicky boss.

In order to understand what your workplace is going to be like in five or 10 years, you need to think about what your work is going to be like. Here's a clue: employers no longer need to pay you to drive to a building to sit and type. In fact, under pressure from an uncertain economy, bosses are discovering that there are a lot of reasons not to pay you to drive to a central location or even to pay you at all. And when work gets auctioned off to the lowest bidder, your job gets a lot more stressful. (See pictures of cubicle designs submitted to The Office.)

The job of the future will have very little to do with processing words or numbers (the Internet can do that now). Nor will we need many people to act as placeholders, errand runners or receptionists. Instead, there's going to be a huge focus on finding the essential people and outsourcing the rest.

So, are you essential? Most of the best jobs will be for people who manage customers, who organize fans, who do digital community management. We'll continue to need brilliant designers, energetic brainstormers and rigorous lab technicians. More and more, though, the need to actually show up at an office that consists of an anonymous hallway and a farm of cubicles or closed doors is just going to fade away. It's too expensive, and it's too slow. I'd rather send you a file at the end of my day (when you're in a very different time zone) and have the information returned to my desktop when I wake up tomorrow. We may never meet, but we're both doing essential work.

When you do come in to work, your boss will know. If anything can be measured, it will be measured. The boss will know when you log in, what you type, what you access. Not just the boss but also your team. Internet technology makes working as a team, synchronized to a shared goal, easier and more productive than ever. But as in a three-legged-race, you'll instantly know when a teammate is struggling, because that will slow you down as well. Some people will embrace this new high-stress, high-speed, high-flexibility way of work. We'll go from a few days alone at home, maintaining the status quo, to urgent team sessions, sometimes in person, often online. It will make some people yearn for jobs like those in the old days, when we fought traffic, sat in a cube, typed memos, took a long lunch and then sat in traffic again.

The only reason to go to work, I think, is to do work. It's too expensive a trip if all you want to do is hang out. Work will mean managing a tribe, creating a movement and operating in teams to change the world. Anything less is going to be outsourced to someone a lot cheaper and a lot less privileged than you or me.

Godin is a popular blogger (sethgodin.typepad.com) and the author of 12 international best sellers. His most recent book is Tribes.