Talking to my wife at breakfast today, she mentioned bumping into a good friend of ours that moved away a number of years ago. We always liked him, but never his wife. Not that she was awful to be with — there was just something off with her interactions with us. We felt that we never saw 'the real' person. Her husband was great — open, honest, informative, and pleasant to be with. We just got the impression that she was critiquing us during our get-togethers and most certainly afterwards.

I think it comes down to authenticity. She wasn't authentic. She didn't let us see the real person — she kept a lot of her personality inside and hidden. When we spoke about meeting the husband to another neighbor, they also commented about the behavior of the wife.

First off — it's not a male/female thing — both are equal opportunity offenders. But you need to observe your behavior — here are some telling signs:

You don't have many close friends. They don't call you to get together.
You find that you aren't 'in' on many things at work.
You are the last to hear about something important happening.
At parties, people tend to shun you - or they at least keep you at a distance.

How to counteract this?

Open up - let people know how you feel.
Tell personal stories - this allows people to understand WHO you are.
Comment openly - take their feelings into account, but be honest.
Don't gossip. Don't spread rumors.
Smile - look people in the eye when you speak.
Ask people about their day, their work, their life.
Act genuinely interested in their response.
Ask if you can do anything for them.

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being totally authentic, and 1 being a total fake, where do you sit? What can you change to be a bit more authentic?