Listen, I get it: trying to get someone to do what you need - when they’re higher up than you or not even in your department - can feel like you’re yelling into a void, especially if they talk down to you.
Or worse, if they brush you off like you’re not worth their time. I’ve been there, and it can be frustrating as hell. But here’s the thing: influence isn’t all about titles. It’s about how you communicate, how you build trust, and whether or not you truly understand what motivates the other person.
So, if you want to move mountains without an official mandate, buckle up. I’m about to show you how to make stuff happen, regardless of job titles or any condescending attitude that might come your way.
The Mindset Shift: It’s Not About You
First, drop the ego. A lot of people stall out because they get so caught up in their own feelings - “They’re disrespecting me,” “They’re ignoring me,” “This person is acting like they’re better than me.” Yeah, maybe they are. But guess what? Taking it personally won’t solve the problem.
The truth is, everybody’s got their own agenda. They’re thinking about their responsibilities, pressures, and deadlines - so your request might be background noise. You’ve got to break through that noise by showing genuine interest in what they care about.
If you want someone’s cooperation, ask yourself: what’s in it for them? Why should they give you their time? When you figure that out, you can speak to their priorities in a relevant and valuable way.
Build Credibility, Fast
Here’s the biggest secret: you don’t need a manager title to command respect. You need credibility. Deliver on your commitments, even the small stuff - like sending that follow-up email when you say you will or bringing the research you promised. Every time you show you’re dependable, you’re investing in your reputation. Over time, that adds up to serious social capital.
And don’t wait for a big moment to shine. Look for small ways to help them out. Share an article that speaks to their current project, connect them to someone in your network who might benefit their goals, or volunteer to run a minor errand if it can save them an hour. When you give value first, people remember. They’ll be more inclined to reciprocate when you ask for something.
Action Step 1: Adapt Your Style
If you’re sending mile-long emails to someone who only reads bullet points, you’ve lost them already. If you’re delivering short text blasts to someone who loves deep discussions, they’ll feel rushed and disrespected. It’s your job to adapt to their communication style.
Observe their preferences. Do they respond more to calls, quick chats, or lengthy written briefs?
Mirror and match. Once you figure out their style, communicate in a way that feels natural to them.
When you make it easy for them to consume your request—on their own terms - you dramatically increase your odds of getting a “yes.”
Action Step 2: Connect Your Ask to Their Priorities
Most people, especially senior folks, think in terms of ROI - Return on Investment. Maybe not always in dollars, but in time, reputation, or effort. So, the best way to get a green light is to show them how helping you actually helps them.
Link your project to their goals. Does it align with their department’s objectives? Will it make them look good? Save them time or money?
Highlight the benefits. If you can solve a pain point they’ve been dealing with or add to something they’re already working on, they’ll lean in.
You’re basically saying, “Hey, if you help me, you’ll also get X, Y, and Z.” That’s powerful.
Action Step 3 (Bonus): Be Persistently Patient
Persistence isn’t about hounding people until they cave - it’s about staying on their radar in a way that’s respectful yet firm. If you don’t get a response the first time, follow up. Keep it short and polite, but make it clear that this request matters.
Set a clear deadline. “Hey, I’d love your feedback by Friday so we can keep the project on track.”
Offer an easy out. “I know you’re slammed. If there’s someone else on your team who can help, let me know.”
You'll earn more respect when you strike that balance - showing that your need is important but acknowledging their world.
Wrapping It Up
Influencing someone who doesn’t report to you (especially if they’re condescending or outrank you) boils down to these fundamentals:
Understand Their World – Focus on their pressures, goals, and communication style.
Build and Show Credibility – Deliver on small promises, offer value first, and stay consistent.
Frame It as a Win-Win – Make it crystal clear why saying “yes” benefits them as well as you.
Look, nobody’s gonna bend over backward just because you want them to. You have to earn that cooperation through empathy, mutual respect, and smart communication. When you do that, it doesn’t matter where you stand in the org chart - people will want to jump on board. And that’s when real momentum starts to build.