WORK. WORK. WORK. WORK. WORK.

Next thing you know, it’s 6 PM and you’re wondering where the day went.

I want you to make a change today. Take just one of the 10-12 hours spent at work and GO TO LUNCH.

Not at your desk. Not in your cafeteria. Not with anyone you currently work with.

Have lunch with someone new.
Someone that energizes you.
Someone that will get you to think out of the box.
Someone that might get you to consider making a bold career move.

WHY? Because it’s good for your CAREER. Meeting new and interesting people:
Gets your mental energy moving.
Grows your professional network.
Allows you to search for future talent (so you don’t have to work with those pesky people in HR).
Allows potential management to look at you as possible future talent (that’s always good to have under your belt).

And frankly, your work won’t suffer one iota.

You need to do this more often. Why not the present?

Call that one person right now and make that lunch date. Do it. You’ll thank me.

I also jumped out of bed every morning over the past two weeks (4:30 AM) to attend various networking/sales meetings to spread the word of the Rich Gee.

And I gave a major presentation to 150+ executives about how to market themselves. It was a big hit for me – most attendees gave me a 4 to 5 rating (on a scale of 1-5).

So the ‘development’ end of my business was in full gear too. What did it deliver? I received an avalanche of interest in my coaching and my phone has been off the hook. In addition, my site numbers are through the roof and I have a pack of new business cards that can choke a horse (all to enter today into my contact list for eBlasts).

Why am I telling you all this? Not to brag — but to illustrate how to grow from knowing a lot of people into a person a lot of people KNOW ABOUT.

You are the product – get others to meet you, talk with you, experience you. “Take you out for a test drive” as I call it.

People need to see you, experience you, to see what you’re working on.
They need to hear three things:

#1 What you’ve done.

This is your reputation – you need to advertise it. Don’t think people just know about it. That’s the mistake most executives make — they think their work speaks for them forever.

Don’t kid yourself. After the project is over, the major rollout complete, the client captured . . . people forget. Quickly.

You need to remind them frequently of your past successes. Not blatantly, but in general conversation. Mention how you worked with Tom when you rolled out that spectacular initiative or when Susan helped you lock in one of your biggest clients. Misdirect with someone else and then bring it back to you.

#2 What you’re doing.

People need to know the level of caliber they’re working with and you need to let them know the high-level and high-impact stuff you’re managing.

The secret ingredient: if you have to let people know what you’re working on, you’ll tend to focus on higher exposure projects. It’s like a class reunion, 3-6 months beforehand, you lose weight, get that liposuction done you’ve been putting off, and hit those wrinkles with botox.

I want you to do the same thing with your career. If you aren’t working on the high-priority projects — make sure you are.

#3 What you’re gonna do.

This is how you predict great opportunities for your career. When you’re out there, you’re finding out about what’s in store for the company, the industry, and everyone around you.

The most connected executives are actively letting key people know their ideas, strategies, and plans. They brainstorm at lunch, ask for ideas after work, and delve deeper with the management team over drinks.

The more you are a billboard and let the right people see what you’ve done, what you are doing today, and what you plan to do . . . the more high-level projects, positions, and promotions come your way.

Now go out there and let them see your billboard up in lights!

POST YOUR QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS BELOW

P.S. Need to figure out how to be a billboard? Let’s talk. This is one of the main areas I tackle first with all of my clients. If you’re not a client . . . grab your spot now before all the final spot for October is taken. Only one left — time is getting short.

You not only have to have a lot of friends, you need get out there and meet new people, Period. End of story.

If you don’t want to do that — you will be expendable.

But most people don’t like to ‘network’. Well then . . . don’t. Connect.

In my opinion, the clear difference between Networking and Connecting is:

Networking: What can you do for me?
Connecting: What can I do for you?

It’s my definition, my differentiation, and here’s why I don’t like networking:

• It’s all me, me, me.
• It’s the clammy science of collecting business cards ad infinitum, of cold-calling strangers to grill them about possible openings or beg them for a favor.
• When most people don’t like networking, it’s because of the slimy nature of glad-handing strangers and constantly asking for something.
• It’s impersonal, it takes the average executive or entrepreneur way out of their comfort zone.
• I know when I meet someone and they network with me — I immediately see through their facade and want to get out of there ASAP.
• To the best of my knowledge, no one likes to be ‘networked’ to.
• Networking is awkward, it’s artificial, and more often than not, it doesn’t work that well.

Connecting is different.

• It’s noticing people, schmoozing with them, keeping in touch with them — and benefiting from them. You connect with people in a mutually productive and pleasurable way.
• You concentrate on the other person. Try to ask questions, minimize your blabbering, and listen to their answers.
• You build a solid relationship and try to connect with them on many levels.
• Instead of selling, you’re seeding. You plant the seed of your capabilities, service, or product but you don’t overtly go for the kill.
• You build the relationship to do something for them. To help them professionally or personally. It might be an article they are interested in, a piece of information, or even an introduction to someone you know.
• In the end, the relationship supersedes the sale. Every time.

So how do you connect? Here are the steps:

1. Be inquisitive. Ask a lot of questions and follow up questions. See below for the process.
2. If they ask about you, answer their questions, but don’t go on. You need to focus on them.
3. Try to find a way to connect with them — find a common place to share — maybe a location, a school, a business, a friend, something.
4. Ask follow up questions, “You live in Stamford? What part? High Ridge Road? I grew up near Rippowam High School!”.
5. Once you make the ‘connection’, you begin to build a rapport of trust between you and the person your connecting with.
6. Each subsequent question, follow-up question, and connection will build a stronger friendship bond between you.
7. When concluding the conversation or meeting, try to ensure you have some sort of deliverable or to-do for the person. It might be an article, a web site, an acquaintance you might know — to give to them at a later date. Do something for them – Givers Gain.
8. Ensure you do what you say you’re going to do.

What is the process to connect? Read this story:

“You are in front of a big, white home. You look down and see the mailbox, you look up and see your whole family waving to you, leaning out the top windows of the house. You look over and see a beautifully, ornate chimney with a huge, yellow, leather work glove sitting upon it with all five finger pointing in the air. The glove is holding an old, wooden tennis racket and a bi-plane (like the one Snoopy flies) breaks through the strings of the racket, flys around your high school, comes to a soft landing on your football field and touches the goal post.”

This story is a mnemonic. It teaches you how to connect with someone by encapsulating key questions within an inane, weird story you’ll remember. Let me break it down:

• Mailbox - Hi, my name is Rich Gee. What’s your name? Where do you live? What part of Wilton?
• Family waving to you – Are you married? Do you have kids? (if they say no, don’t feel uncomfortable, just say, “Boy are you lucky!”
• Huge leather work glove – What do you do? Where do you work? What is it like to work there?
• Wooden tennis racket – What do you do for fun? What are your interests?
• Bi-plane - Do you travel for business? Did you go on vacation this summer?
• High school - Where did you go to school?
• Football field - What sports are you into?
• Goal post - What goals are you shooting for this year?

All I ask is that you try it. I used to do it all the time waiting for my daily train to work. Standing next to someone, I would say something witty (“Seems like the train gets later every day as it gets colder.”), get them to smile, and then introduce myself. The hint with each question is to be enthusiastic and use many follow up questions. Be inquisitive and have fun!

POST YOUR QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS BELOW

P.S. If you’re having problems connecting with people, let’s talk. This is one of the main areas I tackle first with all of my business clients. If you’re not a client . . . grab your spot now before all the spots for October are taken. Time is getting short.

Now that I’ve been running my company for the past ten years, I’ve found it even harder to keep my schedule clear and organized to ensure I get everything done AND allow myself the time to work on my business.

Do you feel this way? 

Well, I developed a cool way to look at each day in my schedule and ensure I not only get my client sessions scheduled, but I also leave time for basic tasks and strategic projects.

Take a look at my typical schedule (click on image to expand):

The key is CONSISTENCY and FLEXIBILITY. I try to remain consistent from week to week to ensure I can work in my business and on my business.

But I also need to be realistic. Emergencies crop up. Clients move or cancel appointments. New prospects creep into my calendar. Speaking engagements usually fall right in the middle of my schedule (but those are planned well in advance). So I also have to be flexible and have the ability to move things around when needed.

Here’s the surprise — I don’t have to do it as much as you’d expect. Week after week, I can pretty well stick to my schedule and ensure I am growing my business while keeping the engine running smoothly.

Let me break down some of the elements:

4:30 AM to 10 PM - Yep, that’s my day. I know – 4:30 AM is a bear. But I find it’s my key time to get things done – where I am energized and focused. My best brainstorming occurs at this time. So I do my best thinking in the shower (a sort of 21st century meditation) and then I’m off to write my blog and prepare for my clients.

7:00 AM to 5 PM - Blocking out all of my clients. I was taught this many years ago by my mentor coach, Ken Abrams. If you fit all of your clients into pre-specified groupings, it’s easier to manage your schedule without all of the 30 and 60 minute gaps.

Email – I check my email at 9 AM, Lunchtime, and at 7 PM. It doesn’t rule my life. If there is a client emergency, call me. Candidly, I read my email every few hours, that’s fine to catch up on what’s important.

Lunch, Dinner with Family, Reading – This is my time – these hours are to allow me to decompress and spend special time with my family and also to grow my knowledge-base.

Thursday – This is my Networking/Connecting day. I am out and about meeting people, learning about new businesses, and going to meetings. I also meet with two groups – my sales force (about 35 people) who are actively out promoting my product to key prospects. The second group is a high-potential business owner team where we exchange leads and discuss many business issues and problems. I also fit in meetings with my agent, pr guy, marketing team, accountant, attorney and any other colleagues who make my business HUM.

Friday – This is my ‘clean-up day’. I spend the time with any errant clients and also do any marketing/prospecting, presentation building and my financial planning. I spend most of my day connected at the hip with my assistant ensuring I clean up any mess from the previous four days and preparing me for the next week.

I hope my schedule gives you a few ideas on how to better structure your schedule.

What do you do to make your professional (and personal) life more bearable?

Yesterday was a powerful day for me. Thursday is my networking day and I met over 100 people starting at 6:00 AM all the way to 8:00 PM. A long day.

But I was energized when I got home.

Here’s a quick synopsis:

5-6 AM – Commute (beat the traffic!)
6-7 AM – Blog at Starbucks, meet new people.
7-9 AM – BNI Networking Meeting – My Sales Force.
9-11 AM - Catchup Meeting with an influential force in Finance.
11-2 PM – Lunch and Brainstorming meeting with a future partner.
2-4 PM – Meeting with a new colleague – helping with his job situation.
4-6 PM – Mastermind/Networking Group – a great time was had by all.
6-8 PM – Client’s Grand Re-Opening Celebration – lots of networking.
8-9 PM – Commute home (listen to motivational audiobooks).

I made a lot of new friends and deepened relationships with many current ones.

Bottom line — this is the life-blood of my business and career.

An esteemed colleague quoted Michael Gerber last night, “Most entrepreneurs fail because you are working IN your business rather than ON your business.” He couldn’t be more correct.

I came home last night with a pile of new business cards, a bunch of referral slips, and a small list of to-do’s to get out by the end of the day today. 

I made new friends. I deepened relationships with current friends. And I hope I helped a few people along the way.

That’s the profession I’ve chosen — and I love it every single day.

What do you do to make new friends during the work-week?

1. Communicate effectively with your potential client base.

You need a killer web site — not just one that sits there. It must actively reach out and grab prospects. So it will take a lot of work, but you’ll see results immediately. In addition, design great business cards, brochures (sometimes), and a powerful 30-second talk about what you do.

2. Work with people smarter than yourself.

This has two angles:

1. If you don’t know how to execute something critical for your business, hire someone. I know it will cost money, but most people think they can do it themselves. Result: it takes forever to build/implement, it’s wrong, and then they ultimately hire someone to clean up the mess.
2. Get clients who add to your knowledge base — help them in one area, but be a knowledge vampire and suck out key strategies, tips, and avenues you will embed into your company.

3. Develop a networking relationship with your competitors.

I actively court coaches, while most of my counterparts are wary and shun theirs. Not only is it a ‘good’ thing to do (embrace everyone), but you find the differences between your vocations and allows you to give referrals to one another.

4. Create packages to meet your client’s needs.

The first time out of the gate, you usually have to guess what your clients requires — so you need to remain flexible and change your offerings slowly. Initially, I used to coach for an hour, but found the extra 15 minutes turned into a coffee klatch, so I shortened my sessions to 45 minutes. It’s perfect — and if I really need extra time for an extra-special client, I have it.

5. Do pro-bono work for charitable organizations.

The bigger, the better. Not only does it position you in a wonderful light, it throws you into a mix of influencers who truly appreciate your skills. The more visibility you have, the more people know about you. In addition, always take on a number of pro-bono clients each month — it’s just the right thing to do.

6. Write an eBook for your target market — and give it away.

You need to harness the knowledge/experience in your brain and spread it out into the marketplace. Most businesspeople tend to hoard it like a miser — successful people freely expose it to the world and clients come banging at their door. It doesn’t have to be long — just put a few powerful ideas in a short article, give it a snappy title, and offer it for free on your site. Also, have copies made and hand it to anyone who breathes.

7. Set Up “Power Meetings”.

Master the act of  networking with the right people. Most men and women tend to meet with anyone — you’ll quickly find out there are many ‘time-wasters’ who might be fun initially, but in the end, suck valuable money from your pockets (time is money). You know who your target market is (if you don’t, call me) — chase and connect with them.

8. Work at least two hours a day to get clients.

“Rich are you crazy?” No, I’m not. You should be meeting, setting up lunches, expanding your website, talking on the phone and a myriad of other strategies to get clients. My motto — if business is good, slowly power down your marketing. If business is bad, rocket up your marketing. But always find at least two hours a day to keep your client pipeline full and healthy.

9. Master the cold call approach.

Face it — ultimately you will need to reach out to strangers to get the business you want. Don’t procrastinate and never do it — learn how to reach out to key targets, entice them, and get in front of them. If you do your homework, for every strikeout you will hit a home run (and sometimes a grand slam), trust me.

10. MCA – take massive action.

MCA stands for Massive Client Acquisition — the state of mind where you need to target, hunt, and capture large swaths of your client base. Take the necessary steps to grow your clientele — get out and network, reach out via a killer website, thrill people with your abilities, give away your intellectual capital, wear huge holes in your shoes, and lose your voice from all the talking you will do.

Bottom line: Think like a salesperson — you need to get up every day and get your butt out the door. Stop putting distance between you and your prospects — close the gap and you’ll have to begin turning them away.

What else do you do to get clients? If you’ve tried any of these tools, how did they work?

Image provided by brendan-c at Flickr.

Something wonderful happened to me yesterday.

Well, let me start from the beginning — I wanted to get the new iPad. Badly.

In fact, I gave up all Christmas & Birthday presents to save up for one. So I was primed to get the iPad2 once I heard that the new release was slated for March.

When the iPad came out on Friday, my family and I traveled to the closest mall to see if we can see one (and secretly get one!).

You’ve probably heard — the lines wrapped throughout the mall — hundreds of people waiting for hours. We never got to even enter the store. I went home thinking we would show up the next day (when the lines went down) to pick one up. Guess what — all stores were totally sold out.

What I forgot to add is that I made a quick phone call to my good friends, the business managers at the Apple Store, prior to all of this technology hoopla. I asked them, “If the iPad came in, could they hold one for me?”. I then proceeded to forget about this call after hearing the pent-up demand and ‘no inventory’ news.

One quick detour to talk more about the Apple Business Managers. They’re the BEST. As a successful entrepreneur, I need a flawless technology platform. The Apple Store does it for me. They go out of their way to make any purchase (I have four MacBook Pros, two iMacs, three iPhones, and about twelve iPods, iTouches, Nanos, and Shuffles hanging around the office and home). Whenever ANYTHING goes wrong, they have impeccable client service that is available and flawless. I LOVE going to the Apple Store.

Now back to yesterday. I was at Pepe’s Pizza, hosting my son Andrew’s 10th birthday party with a gaggle of kids. I get a call from my one of the Apple business managers — not only has he saved an iPad for me from a secret shipment that he received this morning, he also will give me a discount on my purchase.

WOW. I ran down to the store and picked it up. It’s beautiful.

Why am I telling you this story? It’s based on all the business I sent the way of this business manager. And many of my friends, colleagues, clients, and acquaintances that I’ve also sent to that particular Apple Store.

It’s called developing deep connections with key people in your business circle. Seeing how you can help THEM — how you can build their business. Always asking, “How Can I Help You?” (see my last post)

Most people don’t do it — and they are the ones waiting in line for an iPad.

Has this ever happened to you? How did it make you feel? Do you now deepen your business relationships?

Well, I say that’s wrong.

Networking is a very impersonal, awkward, and most of the time, unsuccessful process professionals go through to meet someone and get something from the person they meet. Whenever I hear the term ‘networking’, I think of a slimy used-car salesman in a seersucker suit, white belt, and white shiny shoes. Yuck!

I like to CONNECT. What’s the difference between connecting and networking?

Networking: Ingratiating yourself into someone’s space, telling them all about you, and asking for help, an item, or service from them.

Connecting: Meeting someone (preferably with an introduction), asking questions about them, listening to their response, asking more questions, and then offering help, an item, or service TO them. While asking questions, you find a subtle (or overt) area to make a connection —where they live, what they do, where they went to school, anything. Connecting happens in the moment.

The difference? You Ask Questions, Listen, and Give Them something. Not the other way around. It’s called Seeding. You plant seeds when you connect — they germinate and grow, and someday that person will be doing something for you. It’s not deceptive, it’s reciprocal. You do something for them, they do something for you.

What’s the biggest reason why you should Connect and not Network? When you network, once the person realizes that the conversation is all about you and what they can do for you — a wall of glass goes up. The person immediately knows that you want something from them. And they endeavor to slowly extricate from the interaction. I see this happen ALL the time. It used to happen to me.

In addition, the fastest way to connect with that person is to turn the conversation towards them, learn more about them, understand their situation, their needs, and their problems/obstacles. You are then in a prime position to focus in on their needs and deliver a personalized solution.

Tomorrow, in Part Two, I will show you HOW to connect. It’s easy, simple to do, and best of all, FUN.

I know . . . after a full day at work, I spent additional hours in a cramped, hot hotel room looking at slides. I wouldn’t change it for the world.

• I met a LOT of great people just like me. People that I can help and who also can help me.
• I experienced a great speaker who gave me a LOT of great information to grow my business exponentially.
• I had fun and it energized me (and my business).

Without further ado, here are some critical tips:

1. Get Out. The hardest thing my clients, colleagues, and friends do is to not get out and meet people. Find events and GO TO THEM. My motto: The more people you meet, the more opportunities you make, the more business you close. Corollary: The less people you meet, the less opportunities you make, the less business you close. It’s that simple.
2. Show Enthusiasm & Energy. Don’t be manic and scary though. Keep an upbeat focus on everyone you meet. Greet with a broad smile, hearty handshake and have one item/area to personally compliment the attendee. Do what you have to do to bring up your energy, go for a walk before the talk, listen to a power song on your iPod, drink an energy drink – anything. But come with ENERGY.
3. Wear Your Own Nametag. This sounds hokey – but it works. Everyone knows your name and what you do. And . . . you name is clearly visible to everyone you meet. In addition, the speaker could see it from her vantage point and mentioned my name — although I never met her! So it works.
4. Try To Do Something For Everyone You Meet. And then follow up the next day. I know it’s hard, but this is how the big boys and girls do it.
5. Do a 360°. Talk to everyone around you when you sit down. During breaks, increase the frequency and solidify the relationship. Follow up the next day (this is critical).
6. Don’t Eat. Not only is it difficult to handle a plate, shake hands, eat, and maintain a conversation, chewing and talking just don’t go together. Eat beforehand. You look more polished and professional if you don’t eat. Did you ever spit food while talking? Not cool.

Finally, two areas that I would like to promote:

• National Speakers Association – www.nsa.org – check them out – great meetings, incredible speakers, they make it happen!
• Rebecca Morgan – this professional clearly knows her stuff on how to “Make Money In Your Jammies” – www.rebeccamorgan.com

Here’s a fun list that I saw on Madatoms:

Denial
I’ve got plenty of money! I’ll start looking next week!

Anger
Craigslist and Monster sucks! I’ve got a college degree! Jobs should be looking for me!

Bargaining
I’ll just drive around looking for help wanted signs. I hear that Starbucks has health insurance!

Depression
Why did I major in Communications? I have no useful skills.

Acceptance
I didn’t know I qualified for unemployment! I love this country!

Ferrazzi contends that people who build meaningful relationships with others can attain greater personal and professional success. Why you should read this book?

Your Four Mindsets: Intimacy, Generosity, Vulnerability, Candor
This follows up on the mindsets Ferrazzi explored in his first book, Never Eat Alone. Building relationships, and repairing relationships, using these mindsets will greatly enhance and fuel all types of relationships, and increase your chances of maintaining strong, successful alliances. These four mindsets are core to building trust.

Build a Dream Team
We all have dreams, and we need strong relationships to help us realize those dreams. Once we’ve accepted that conducting our relationships through the lens of the four mindsets contributes to our success, building a dream team to help us fuel our success is the next logical step. Ferrazzi outlines nine steps to building a dream team. Not sure if the steps work or not, since Ferrazzi doesn’t present hardcore evidence that actual, real live individuals have used these steps successfully, but Ferrazzi’s nine steps includes many practical and tactical ideas that logically should work, and seem worth trying.

Hold Each Member Accountable
Without accountability in the group and among individuals, teams become lazy, complacent, loose focus, and derail. Ferrazzi does a nice job of explaining safe ways to implement accountability measures into your organizational, or dream, teams.

Hands down this will probably be the best book I read this year (Keith does it again!). Run out and get this book ASAP!

Dipchand “Deep” Nishar, vice president of products at networking site LinkedIn Corp., doesn’t view online networking as something you do only when looking for a job.

By Jennifer Saranow at WSJ.

The 40-year-old spends about 15 minutes every morning reading his business contacts’ status updates and responding. To keep up his connections, he sends congratulatory notes to those who have received promotions, restaurant recommendations to those who have moved, contact suggestions to those who have changed jobs, and article links to those he thinks might be interested.

About two to three times a month, he reads his social connections’ status and news updates and sends them similar kind or helpful notes. He also posts his own status updates weekly, sharing what he’s reading or a personal project he’s working on — sticking to topics he thinks his networks would be interested in.

Keeping in touch in this way, Mr. Nishar says, helped him get his current job: His connections recommended him for the post before he even knew about it. “Your network is most valuable when you don’t need it,” he says.

To get the most out of his networks, Mr. Nishar is picky about whom he lets in and ignores invitations that don’t make the cut. He restricts his LinkedIn network to professional contacts he knows well and would want to do business with. (Those he’s just met once or twice wouldn’t make the cut.)

He limits his Facebook network to friends and social acquaintances. (Very few present or past coworkers can be found there.) All this eliminates the need to delete contacts down the road. “I try to keep my network unpolluted so I don’t have to sift through it later,” Mr. Nishar says.

Mr. Nishar uses Facebook to stay up-to-date on the lives of those who want to share their videos and photos there — but he doesn’t include himself in that category. Seeking a greater degree of privacy, he posts his family photos and videos to Picasa and YouTube but makes them available only to those he invites to view them. With close friends, he keeps in touch by phone.

Read more great career-oriented articles by Jennifer here.

Most people don’t realize the power of personal connection on the job.

I have many clients today that have lost their jobs and are looking for new employment. Unfortunately, they have worked at their respective companies for a very long time and they find themselves unable to get back that one specific position.

Even though I do coach them to ‘reach for the stars’, there is a law of diminishing returns. After a certain amount of time (let’s say 4-6 months), one needs to be realistic about their search. If you are busting your butt getting interviews and not getting that position, it may be time to click your search down a notch and focus on easier pickings. This happens frequently with C-Level clients that NEED to have another C-Level position. Honestly — they’re not many C-Level (or others of that ilk) spots out in business-land today.

My suggestion — instead of beating your head against a wall — take a lower position that will be easier to attract/lock-in. When you get into the invite-only party, show them you’re able to do much more than you’ve been hired to do. Most likely, they will see your capabilities over time and offer you increased responsibility or a better position (with increased pay).

But this scenario only comes with a successful and clear set of personal connections in the new job (I will talk about building personal connections later this week). And you will only get those if you are On The Job.

So don’t be so picky and go get that position. Good things sometimes don’t come to those who wait.

When Kathy Siever, an event planner, was laid off earlier this year after nearly 15 years with GE Capital, it helped that the company gave her a month’s notice — enough time for her and her husband, David, to work out a plan for both of them to use their Rowayton home as their new joint workplace.

By Margaret Farley Steele at the NYT

Mr. Siever, 65, had already laid claim to the basement, where he runs an investment banking business that raises capital for clean and renewable energy projects. So his wife, 58, settled on a spare bedroom on the second floor, which she set up as an office with new furniture, and began working on her own business plan. Having the middle floor between them is ideal, so they are not in each other’s face — or space — all day, they said.

As layoffs rock families across the country, many professional couples like the Sievers are getting reacquainted from 9 to 5, sometimes because one partner already works from home or because both spouses find themselves unemployed and needing a home office. Sharing work space and toiling side by side can radically alter the dynamics of a relationship, said A. Susan Brenner, a marriage and family therapist practicing in Westport and Manhattan.

Nationwide, unemployment has soared to 8.5 percent. In Connecticut, where 58,000 workers have lost their jobs in the last 12 months, the jobless rate is 7.5 percent. As the ranks of the unemployed grow, more couples will feel the need to redefine their roles and boundaries at home. And those in tight quarters may have a harder time than couples able to spread out in a large suburban home, Ms. Brenner said.

For couples who have successfully dealt with hardships before, job loss can bring the couple closer together. “They partner up and get stronger helping one another,” said Resa Fremed, a marriage and family therapist practicing in South Salem, N.Y., where she sees many Fairfield County couples. But if communication skills are already rocky, a job crisis will exacerbate problems, she said.

Jeffrey H. Roberts, who runs a real estate business out of his Stamford home, said it was a huge adjustment when his wife, Tina, was out of work for seven months a few years ago. “The only thing that kept us sane is we had two computers,” he said recently at a networking group in Stamford for at-home workers. Mr. Roberts, 50, said he was less social than his wife, 41, and by the second day he had to close the door to his home office because of her talkativeness. “Honey, if my door is closed, it’s inviolate. You have to think about it before crossing the threshold,” he told her. It took a month for them to develop a system that worked, he said.

When a spouse is unemployed, roles shift, Ms. Fremed said. “The change could be positive or it could cause resentment,” she said. It’s nice if a father can step in and pick up the kids, but it may be uncomfortable for him. “The women go out for coffee, but look at a stay-at-home dad as a misfit. It’s not easy,” she said.

Good communication is essential to get through this period, experts said. “Sit down and really have an open conversation with each other,” Ms. Brenner said. “‘What is it going to be like for us? What can we share or take care of separately? What do we expect of each other?’ It’s like renegotiating a contract.”

Job-hunting is a full-time job, and access to phones and computers can be a source of friction if both partners need these tools and have to share them. Those who can’t afford separate phones and computers should devise a mutually agreeable schedule for using them, Ms. Fremed suggests.

Finding “alone” time is important too. Some folks retreat to the local library; others sign up for networking groups or classes.

For the millions of Americans who work at home, the perks include the freedom to labor when and how they please — perhaps with documents strewn across the floor, a TV blaring in the background or in clothing that makes casual Friday attire look formal. Quirks like those can raise the eyebrows of someone who is used to a quiet, dignified office and that in turn will raise the hackles of the spouse no longer working in splendid isolation, say the experts.

These days, Ms. Siever is often at her desk first thing in the morning — but in her pajamas. “For David, the downside is, I don’t put makeup on any more, maybe just a little lipstick,” she said.

In busy households, maintaining an air of professionalism can be a challenge. Holli and Glenn Horine of Fairfield are both at home much of the week. She lost her part-time job in March; he lost a job as senior vice president of Velocity, a sponsorship and event marketing agency in Norwalk, in 2008 but still teaches at Iona College in New Rochelle, N.Y. He is trying to build a consulting business in the sports and entertainment field from his home.

Two children and two dogs in the house are a distraction. After school, Ms. Horine, 48, who worked at a promotion/marketing agency, said her husband “barricades himself in his office and I try to keep the kids and dogs quiet.” If anyone needs to reach him, they have to call his work phone.

“If the home phone rings, I won’t answer it,” said Mr. Horine, 46. “I’m in work mode and have to stay focused or my day is shot.”

Believing that optimism helps, many couples try to look on the bright side. Debbie Roberts, a landscape designer in Stamford and no relation to Jeffrey Roberts, said when her husband, Nick, was unemployed, he seemed blind to the fact that she had a set routine and work hours. “He was always asking, ‘What should we do today?’ ” she said. But to his credit, “he was much better at being a stay-at-home mom than I ever was. The laundry was done on a regular basis,” she said.

“It’s a stressful time for any marriage, but there is always a silver lining if you are open to finding it,” said Ms. Roberts, 46.

For the Horines, the silver lining is more family fun with their children. “We take advantage of the fact that we do have a little extra time,” Ms. Horine said. For Ms. Siever, “If there’s good news to share, he’s right there,” she said.

A friend had just received an inscrutable error message. Err = 8008, it read, entirely unhelpfully. What mysterious problem was there this time? He’d set his heart on the fourth season of HBO’s hit series Entourage that evening, and now the download was stalled.

By John Hagel III, John Seely Brown, and Lang Davison at HBR

Then he realized: What if he Googled the error message? Sure enough, an answer was to be found on the Apple support wiki, and soon he was watching season four on the family laptop.

It’s a small example perhaps. But it’s symbolic of powerful new abilities individuals have acquired in the world of pull. These play out at three levels. The first enables us to access what we need when we need it — as when we transform previously annoying error messages into vital information. Particularly on the Internet, many of us have already begun to take this first level of pull for granted.

But what if we don’t have an error message to enter into a search engine? As the big shift takes hold, and the world becomes ever less predictable, many times we’re no longer certain what to look for or what questions to ask. That’s where a second level of pull becomes more useful: the ability to attract people and resources you didn’t previously know existed. Some percentage of these, once you encounter them, turn out to be relevant and valuable — just what you were looking for. This level of pull works through serendipity rather than search. Social networks are prime spots for serendipity to play out as we unexpectedly encounter friends of friends or even total strangers that ultimately prove to be helpful.

The first two levels of pull — the ability to access and attract — are ultimately static. They assume that the people and resources we need already exist and that the challenge is to find or discover them. Yet each of us may need to further develop our own personal and professional skills before we can even recognize how best to access and attract what we need and want. Said differently, we need to master a third level of pull — the ability to pull from within ourselves the insight and performance needed to achieve our potential and help other people do the same.

What follows are four broad ways each of us can use these three levels of pull to increase our personal success:

1. Make your passion your profession. Do you love what you do? In today’s economy just having a job is cause enough to be thankful. But the pace of change keeps none of us safe: a more uncertain world requires working harder to keep our professional skills competitive. Since most of us put intense effort only into those things that provide us meaning and emotional engagement, we must make our passions our professions or the world will pass us by.

2. Expand — and engage — the edges of your social network. You’re probably on Facebook, LinkedIn, or some other social network by now. But how adventurous are you there? Serendipity works best when we extend the edges of our social networks. People on these edges represent “weak ties” connecting us to new insight, experiences, and capabilities that provoke us to improve our own game. Over time, these edge connections become part of our core network, transforming that core in deep yet unexpected ways.

3. Participate in spikes. As we begin to pursue our passions, something remarkable starts to happen. While a few of us will choose to remain in, or even migrate to, remote geographic areas because of our passion for certain physical locations, many more of us will be drawn to emerging spikes of complementary talent in densely settled geographic areas. Social networks in virtual space will amplify the forces of pull being generated in spikes as our passions motivate us to seek out people who can help us get better faster.

4. Maximize return on attention. Hearing these recommendations, some readers will ask how any of us will have enough time to expand our networks and explore talent spikes. Aren’t we time-constrained already? Yet by adopting new tools and services we can all improve our “return on attention” — the value we get in return for the time spent looking for what we want and need. Search tools help improve this value immensely. But serendipity tools may prove even more helpful as they connect us to people and resources we don’t yet know exist.

What about you? Would you accept a “friend” request on a social network from someone you’d never met? In what ways have you noticed serendipity at work in your own life and career? Have you found ways to shape serendipity to increase the quantity and quality of unexpected encounters?