What’s the Girlfriend Effect?Remember in high school, if a boy didn’t have a girlfriend, it was pretty darn near impossible for him to attract one? But if the boy did have a girlfriend, all her friends seemed to flock over to him and be instantly interested in him?
Well, the girlfriend effect is alive and well in business today and it starts with the atmosphere you create.
It’s how you act, your confidence, your self-esteem, the way you react in situations, the way you carry yourself.
If you own or run your own business or if you are an executive in a corporation, you understand the power of first impressions, charisma, and confident behavior.
If you don’t have it, you need to get it. When I work with my clients, I frequently say that you need to always have your “hot shit” persona on. Because if you don’t think you are important, influential, and experienced, no one will. It all starts with you.
Here are some incredible books that you can grab to build your confidence, charisma, and image:
- Executive Charisma: Six Steps to Mastering the Art of Leadership
By D.A. Benton. A proven six-step process for acquiring the style, flair, and credibility needed to make it to the top. According to a recent Wall Street Journal article, managers who do not exude an all encompassing self-confidence, style, poise, and energy, in short, “executive presence,” are highly unlikely to make it to the corner office. - The Secret Language of Success: Using Body Language to Get What You Want
By David Lewis. The jewel of my library. Have you ever felt that you could walk into a room without being noticed and leave and not be missed? Your inability to make your presence felt has probably made you frustrated on more than one occasion. This book teaches you the secret language of silent speech and body language. - How to Win Friends & Influence People
By Dale Carnegie. This is the bible — buy it and live it. This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m affraid to many their “hot shit” persona is associated with what I’ll call the hard “C” words like: conquer, control, and command. I believe you will see a transition where executive presence will be better defined with soft “C” words like: collaborate, caring, compassion, and compromise. Another word that you don’t see often in this quest for flair, style, and self-confidence, is “humble”. It’s a pretty important ingredient and may be the “fine line” between postive self-assertiveness and blustering. Perhaps I’m suffering from campaign rhetoric but if hydrogen is our world’s must abundant element I’m thinking BS is starting to run a close second!
Larry – Totally understand. I also see a transformation going on from the typical cocky executive that knows everything to the more EQ confident executive who’s always open to change and advice. Thanks for the comment and come back often!
Actually, no.
I remember that all the guys who were jocks got all the girls because they were some sort of hero. I remember that the jocks treated the girls badly and so got more girls.
I remember that the boys who were gentlemen got the best girls in the end because they were gentlemen, and didn’t have the reputation for being bastards.
Seems to me that the alleged girlfriend effect is for socially inept girls who like being treated badly to cluster around socially retarded boys who play sports.
Tim – Love the idea – check out the books – if you haven’t read them, many of my clients enjoy them! Have a great Saturday and keep the comments coming.
I’ve read quite a number, including the last one you mention. Many of them are truly enriching. Unfortunately they enrich the authors and vendors, not the reader that often. Carnegie is a pleasant exception.
Tim – you are spot on – there are so many bad business books out there – I feel like sending them back to the author and asking for my money back . . .
Carnegie is the exception – that’s why they’ve lasted so long.
I also like Daniel Pink, David Schwartz, and Seth Godin’s last book, Linchpin.
Any favorites you might have?
I was surprised at how useful the Rhinoceros Success series was, and The One Minute Manager. But most of this stuff annoys the bejasus out of me. I can give a motivational talk every bit as “good” as the ex Janitor, the tall one. And, because I can see smoke and mirrors a mile off, I don’t.
I am not hot shit. I am not important. What I am, in my field, is influential because of my knowledge and the way I express myself and my skill set. I have a reputation for excellence. It’s a small field, and there are several other excellent practitioners. I am not ‘experienced’ in any way that I value. I have expertise instead. Back to janitors: Many are experienced. How many have the expertise not only to clean the toilet, but to organise the correct cleaning of toilets and motivate the janitorial team.
Yes, you must serve some time, I’ve done all that, but experience is no substitute for expertise after that.